The 10 Absolutely Worst Rappers of All Time

Last week on the Books of Face, I was pulled into an interesting convo about what constitutes the worst rapper of all time. Of course, there are artists that we may dislike for any number of reasons:

I can think of about 17 just from that photo alone.

But to be considered the worst of the worst, it takes a special brand of suck. Whether it’s a maddeningly lazy delivery, awful lyrics or embarrassing content, I’ve found the 10 worst offenders in rap.

Now, I’m not talking about wannabe hip-hop celebrities like Kevin Federline or Macho Man Randy Savage (RIP BROTHA) who dropped one terrible album and bowed out. I’m not even talking about one-hit wonders like OT Genasis and Trinidad James who barely have two singles to rub together. Instead, let’s look at 10 artists who, unfortunately, have made some sort of a career out of their trash bars.

10. Eazy-E

I know half of y’all are running to the comments RIGHT NOW to call this list “garbage” for mentioning the name of the beloved Eazy-E. For the other half who haven’t embarrassed themselves yet, hear your boy out: there’s no question that Eazy is a West Coast rap pioneer who created iconic songs. But that doesn’t mean the man wasn’t awful on the mike, cuz Lord knows he was. Eazy’s flow was really jerky and stilted, like he was reading from one of those malfunctioning teleprompters from the BET Awards.  His Jheri curl was on fleek, tho.

9. Master P

Jay Z and the Roc, Eminem and D12, Nas and the Bravehearts — in most cases, the leader of a rap clique is also its best lyricist, the symbol of excellence for the entire crew. But if Master P is the symbol of excellence for the No Limit Soldiers, it’s no wonder most of ’em went AWOL. Apparently someone told P that RAPPING IN CAPS LOCK is the secret to success, so he spent most of the 90s screaming sewage into our ears. But there’s good news for P — he’s not even the worst rapper in his family! That honor belongs to…

8. Silkk da Shocker

Like a bow-legged toddler trying to catch a butterfly in the park, Silkk has been unsuccessfully chasing rap beats since 1995, tripping over his feet and falling on his face EVERY SINGLE TIME. It’s almost like he was intentionally off-beat with every single bar. When it comes to timing his cadence with the track, homie ain’t even on the wrong page, he’s in a different library.

Footage of Silkk in the studio trying to catch the beat:

There’s only one artist who consistently raps off beat as much as this guy:

7. Big Sean

AKA, your 8-year-old sister’s favorite rapper. Big Sean allegedly has been rapping for a decade, so why is the concept of STAYING ON BEAT still foreign policy to him?  He has a weird habit of cramming too many syllables in one bar, then not enough in the next, so his verses are like a raggedy game of Jenga — always two seconds from crumbling into the trash heap. And his punchlines? “Still rocking Louis Vuitton condom, cause I’m so f***ing in style.” Playa please.

One of my boys asked if I was planning to review Big Sean’s latest album. I told him I could sum it up in one image:

6. Mike Jones (Who?)

Journey with me back to 2004, when a mixtape rapper gained popularity by repeating his name a bunch of times and giving out his cell-phone number. Sounds like a thirsty chick on Snapchat.

For a brief, dark time in our country’s history, Mike Jones became the hottest rapper by basically repeating one line over and over again. Don’t believe me? Check out his verse from “Still Tippin'”:

Back then hoes didn’t want me, now I’m hot hoes all on me
Back then hoes didn’t want me, now I’m hot hoes all on me
Back then hoes didn’t want me, now I’m hot hoes all on me (I said!)
Back then hoes didn’t want me, now I’m hot hoes all on me

We heard what you said. Four times.

Instead of writing 16 bars, dude would write like 12 and just repeat a bunch of stuff to fill up the extra space. It’s brilliantly lazy, but downright embarrassing.

5. P. Puffy Diddy Daddy Combs

Your least favorite music mogul has been stealing the spotlight of more talented artists for nearly 25 years. You’d think that by sucking the same rarefied air as legends like the Notorious B.I.G. that he’d acquire some semblance of talent by osmosis.

Guess not.

Puff spent a career bragging about how he didn’t have to write rhymes, he wrote checks. He flaunted the fact that he could pay ghostwriters for hits — if that’s the case, why did he spend his money on such terrible lyrics? If you’re an egomaniacal millionaire with pockets as deep as the Mariana Trench, why would you not buy the best lyrics possible? He’s paying Jay Z prices for J-Kwon lyrics.

4. Chief Keef

Y’all sure love making excuses for this dude. “He ain’t supposed to be lyrical”; “He makes hype music”; “He’s not so bad if you give him a chance.”

I just checked my fridge and we’re all out of chances. Are these REALLY the songs y’all are getting hyped off of?

Emojis, emojis, the b**** like to text emojis
Emojis, emojis, so I sent emojis
Emojis, emojis, and now we send emojis
Emojis, emojis, all she send is emojis

Keef’s whole career can be summed up with an emoji too:

3. Young Thug

Lemme lay out a scenario for you Thugga fans: It’s date night and you decide to take bae to the dollar movies to see the latest Tyler Perry disaster. Unfortunately, the audio in Ratchet Cinemas is jacked up, so everyone on screen sounds like Scooby Doo on lean.

I know how y’all do — if that scenario occurred, you’d run to the manager screaming for a refund AND some free popcorn for your troubles.

Yet, y’all turn right around and spend your hard-earned money on this babbling maniac:

Don’t tell me you know what he’s saying. Lies makes baby Jesus cry.

Last time I checked, you’re supposed to be able to comprehend what a rapper says and I’m not fluent in moron.

2. Birdman

Never before has a man made so much money from doing absolutely nothing. Ever since Cash Money took over for the nine-nine and 2000s, Baby has delivered the laziest, lethargic rhymes in rap history.

Went from sitting in the cell,
To sitting on a jet,
From sh*tting in the cell,
To sh*tting on a jet

All delivered with paint-drying enthusiasm. Every time Birdman rubs his hands, another rap career dies. Except his, sadly.

1. Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em

Back in 2007, I thought that “Crank That” was easily one of the worst songs ever recorded in rap history. EVER. The lyrics — the ones you could understand, that is — were abysmal, the cadence was horrendous and the content made no sense. But I chilled on the song, figuring that it was an eyesore that would soon fade away, like neon fanny packs. But NO, Soulja Boy actually became a bonafide rap star, releasing sorry “hit” after sorry “hit” and I still don’t understand how.

Take all the horrible qualities from nine rappers listed above and combine them — Soulja Boy is the Voltron Force of garbage MCs. Terrible flow, terrible lyrics, terrible production (that he usually handles himself, naturally) terrible tattoos, terrible attitude.

In almost a decade, his only contribution has been lying to poorly-dressed young men about how much “swag” they have.

Soulja Boy is THE WORST EVER.

RELATED: The 10 Most Embarrassing Rap Lyrics of All Time

Feel free to share your least favorites (and complain about Eazy-E) below.