Album Review: Justin Timberlake, Everything I Thought It Was

Justin Timberlake

Everything I Thought It Was (released March 15, 2024)

There are three things the Internet loves these days:

1. Beyonce in a cowboy hat

2. That weird Kurt Angle meme where it looks like he’s staring through your soul:

What IS this supposed to be anyway?

3. And revisionist history.

I can’t think of a bigger example of career erasure than the pop GOAT turned social media scapegoat Justin Timberlake.

No, I’m not going to relitigate That Super Bowl Incident for the 4,000th time, especially when Janet Jackson herself has begged her fans to move on. Nor will I bring up Britney Spears and try to Dr. Phil a relationship between two teenagers 25 years ago. Pretty sure you wouldn’t want people psychoanalyzing what y’all were doing at age 17 either. And I certainly won’t dive into those pointless “cultural appropriation” claims when the man has shown more care and study of Black music in interviews than many of the screeching smoke detectors y’all celebrate today.

Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t hand out cookout invitations. I’ve had my own JT complaints over the years – his All Lives Matter-ish “we’re all the same!” comments back in 2016 in particular made my eye twitch.

But as Justin became Twitter’s favorite punching bag, so did the bad faith takes, as clout chasers unloaded think pieces about how Justin’s career was a total sham, an artist who lacked talent, never made great albums and skated by on empty hype.

Um, pro tip from the most critical brother you’ll find on the Internet: If you have to go to ludicrous extremes or outright lie to make your point, you’re gonna lose credibility, homie.

No matter which side of the JT battle line you stand, you cannot deny the man’s talent, nor his success. I’ve proclaimed 2006’s FutureSex/LoveSounds as the greatest pop record of its era, one of the last legit classics of the past 20 years. And I stand by it. Meanwhile, his Justified and 20/20 Experience Part 1 albums are two of the best R&B projects of their respective decades. I even thought 2018’s divisive Man of the Woods was slightly better than most critics claimed.

Except those “Supplies” and “Filthy” singles. They get the Kurt Angle face.

So let’s keep it a buck: There’s a large portion of fans who have already proclaimed Everything I Thought It Was, JT’s first album in a half-decade, a massive failure and the worst album in the history of music without hearing one note. And there’s nothing that will change their minds.

But this album isn’t for them. This album is for those on the other side of the JT picket line, the quiet onlookers who hold their tongues and shake their heads when the weekly JT slander pieces fly, secretly hoping for a grand return to form.

Unfortunately, they likely won’t be satisfied by EITIW either. Mainly because JT plays things much, much too safe.

But let’s start with what does work. “Ain’t gon be no crying from the clouds,” Justin coos on album opener “Memphis,” a surprisingly introspective track from an artist more known for love songs and dance grooves. It’s the only moment of the album where he somewhat acknowledges his unfortunate label of King of Bad Press. “I lost my voice,” he says, “but that’s what you get for trying to make heartbreak pretty.”

It’s one also one of the small glimpses of sonic evolution for JT, as much of the remainder of the album feels more content to recapture old magic than spark new memories.

JT seems to be at his best when the mood remains mellow. First single “Selfish” isn’t the raucous game changer in the vein of predecessors like “Like I Love You,” “SexyBack” or “Suit & Tie.” It’s simply a subtle groove that features JT fawning over his lady. Still, it’s very well done, soaring in its simplicity. (Follow up single “Drown” follows the same template a little too closely, with diminishing returns). The weepy strings of “Alone” give the story of heartbreak lots of character while “Flame” impresses with its marching production and stuttering lyrics.

“Technicolor” features soundscapes as expressive as its title – the track creeps along before our man Timbaland jumps in with his trademark FICKY-FICKYs to slightly pick up the pace. It’s giving 20/20 Experience vibes. But probably the most daring track here is “Sanctified,” where JT joins Tobe Nwigwe for a jam session down at the local juke joint. Harpo would be proud. It gives Timberlake a chance to prove to doubters that he’s more than a cookie-cutter pop star.

Which is why so much of the remaining album frustrates me.

Most of the remaining tracks are little more than copy/paste dance tracks that seem to be plucked from the Trolls movie soundtrack sessions. Some excel – the lively “Imagination” is one of the few that stuck with me after I wrapped up listening to the project. But the rest – from “F***in’ Up the Disco” and “Infinity Sex” to “My Favorite Drug” and “No Angels” are all cut from the same bland cloth.

Oh, and because it’s 2024, of course we MUST have at least one Afrobeats song here, because it’s mandated by federal law. It’s called “Liar.” It’s fine I guess.

Even the NSYNC reunion “Paradise,” which I’m sure will garner the most headlines, will slide into obscurity once the novelty wears off. At least the album ends on a solid note with “Conditions,” another smoldering cut that has him wondering if the love in his relationship is conditional.

I wonder if he asks the same questions about his fanbase sometimes.

If anyone tries to convince you that Everything I Thought It Was is a terrible album, block and unfollow. It’s not terrible, just shockingly safe, with the once-innovative JT feeling more hesitant than I’ve ever heard before. It’s like JT had glimpses of trying something new, but got cold feet and hedged his bets by dropping in five or six interchangeable club songs.

I know this project will inevitably be compared to Usher’s Coming Home comeback (because people STILL want a Verzuz battle between them for some reason). While I was indifferent toward Coming Home on my first listen, it improved with each relisten. EITIW, though, never gains that upward momentum on repeat listens, instead remaining content with floating under the radar.

Maybe JT felt that was his best strategy – not making too much noise to rattle critics while appeasing long-time fans by sticking to his usual playbook. But Justin should know better than anyone, you can’t please all of the people all the time.

Best tracks: “Selfish,” “Flame,” “Technicolor”

3.5 stars out of 5