Love Letters: Should Political Differences be a Relationship Deal-Breaker?

I hope all you playas stateside have recovered from The Election That Would Not End. Now we just have to deal with months of screaming about alleged unfair cheating, like a kid who can’t admit he took an L in Mario Kart.

Ah, America, you are exhausting.

Is your relationship also wearing you out? Holla at your boy, I’ll help you out.

Send your inquiries to soulinstereoblog@gmail.com, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

Should differences in politics be a deal breaker in a relationship?

KNJ

Leave it to ol’ KNJ to come through with the timely questions.

I’m gonna hit y’all with the four most divisive words in America today:

I see both sides.

Hold on, let me explain.

The reason that phrase has become so maligned is because we live in a world where if you don’t think EXACTLY how I think about every issue single issue YOU ARE A GARBAGE PROBLEMATIC HUMAN WHO SHOULD BE CANCELED.

Listen, 12-year-olds on Twitter have been cussing me out for more than 24 hours because I dared to say Drake’s If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late mixtape was supremely overrated.

You remember, it’s the one with the cover that looks like it was scribbled by the Chick-fil A cows.

Although independent thought isn’t always treasured these days – sometimes to absurd degrees – it’s totally understandable that you want your potential partner to stand with you on critical issues. It’s hard to be an advocate for gun control if you’re living with a card-carrying member of the NRA, for example. In 2020, politics have become so intertwined with morality that it’s hard to separate the two.

Personally speaking, instead of trying to find someone who checks every single box you check politically – which probably won’t happen unless this cloning tech pops off – I suggest that it’s better to determine which issues are absolutes for you.

For instance, I have no problem debating friends across the political aisle about some fiscal issues (despite what Twitter told you, healthy debate is important and leads to greater enlightening about the world outside our circle). But if those same friends defend a candidate who pushes policies that suppress my community, glorifies hate speech, promotes xenophobia, etc., that’s absolutely a deal-breaker. Dismiss yourself from my table.

Obviously, this is a deeply personal issue – I can’t tell KNJ which issues should be her deal-breakers. But it’s important to determine those non-negotiattbles before getting tight with your next boo. Don’t compromise your values for a pretty face.

Question No. 2:

My girl and I have been together for five years. One thing I’ve noticed and don’t like is that she has too many male friends. I’ve spoken to her about this and she knows it bothers me. She says she hasn’t slept with these men but it bothers me. What should I do? We’ve broken up about this and she begged me back. Am I insecure and controlling?

MJ

I feel like this question pops up annually, like that dreaded Mariah Christmas song. By the way, I’ve heard that thing AT LEAST 10 times already and it’s just November 10! A Mariah a day does not do the body good.

As I’ve stated many times before, I can’t be a hypocrite on this topic – I have many female friends, the majority of whom I’ve known decades before I met my wife. It’s not fair to cut off longtime relationships just because of a ring.

BUT, while I refuse to end those relationships, those friendships had to change. They know and understand that my wife is my priority.

If your girl is prioritizing her male friendships over your relationship, yeah, I have beef with that. Dudes shouldn’t be calling her all times of night or bombarding her with text messages 24/7. They have to be respectful of her relationship and if they’re really her friends (and not just sidelined friendzone castoffs) they’ll do their part to make sure her relationship thrives. We all want our friends to be happy, right?

But MJ, my dude, I also have to address your insecurity. Is there reason for you to feel like these guys are trying to make a move? Or is it just OH THEY GOT TO BE UP TO SOMETHIN AIN’T NO MAN TALKIN TO NO GURRRL?

If there are legit red flags, talk to your girl about that. If she’s truly committed to you, she should hear you out and address those issues. And if these guys are really friends and not opportunists, they’ll fall back out of respect.

But if you’re just reacting out of paranoia, if your girl isn’t trying to hear your concerns or if these guys are stepping out of bounds, you’ve got a pot of Thanksgiving chitlins on your hands – a recipe for disaster.

And let’s close out on this one because it’s hilarious:

So my cousin’s wife follows him into the bathroom when he poops. Do you think she’s clingy and crazy?

Smells Crazy

She’s not clingy and crazy, she’s a WIFE. You can’t truly call yourself a married couple if you haven’t followed your spouse into the bathroom to chat about nonsense while the love of your life is dropping off the kids at the pool.

When dating, we all front like ish don’t stink. But when you’re married, bodily functions ain’t nuthin but a thang. Unless there’s some kind of fecal fetish or pissy perversion going on, this is absolutely normal.

Ain’t nothing normal about that.

BYE!