Love Letters: Are Women Not Sensitive to Men’s Feelings?

You’ve got love questions? I’ve got love answers.

Most of the time, anyway.

If you’ve got a question that’s keeping you up at night, send it my way. Then get some sleep. It probably ain’t that serious anyway.

Send your inquiries to soulinstereoblog@gmail.com, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

Do you think at times women are not very sensitive to men’s feelings? Do you think that we at times think a man isn’t supposed to have feelings because he is a man?

So Sensitive

WHOOO you just preached a word with that question, sista.

The doors of the church iz open; leave your tithes in the baskets by the doors.

As much as women (rightfully) complain about the stereotypes heaped on them by men, y’all do a fair share of stereotyping as well. So many women claim to want a man who can understand their feelings, but if that man dares show any emotion himself, he’s too soft for them.

That’s not how it works.

It’s strange, because some of your favorite entertainers are softies:

Carl Thomas and his depressing array of turtlenecks have been jerking tears for like 15 years now.

Drake, the walking bottle of Curel himself, ain’t afraid to show love.

Even the game’s most vicious, hard core emcees have let the waterworks fly.

When it comes to guys, showing emotion is unfairly equated to showing weakness. We have feelings, and those feelings should be respected. Of course, there’s a pretty fine line between emoting and whimpering – it’s the difference between acting like an adult or a petulant child. Don’t put up with any 30-year-old middle-schoolers.

If you want your man to be more open in your relationship (and you definitely should), encourage that brother to open up and share this thoughts. It can be tough – we’ve been taught to bottle our feelings up and shove them deep in our subconscious. But by opening up, it will help you both stay on the same page.

There’s no shame in a man showing emotion. But it’s a shame if you won’t let him do that.

Question 2:

If you’re dating someone new and their ex warns you about that person, should you believe them?

On Guard

EHHHHH. This is definitely one of those case-by-case situations. I’ve witnessed plenty of bitter ex’s plant seeds of doubt in new relationships, destroying them right out of the gate. But on the other hand, if that ex is providing an honest assessment of whatever ended the prior relationship, it’s probably worth a listen.

If an ex approaches you with words of warning about your new mate, feel free to listen and keep their advice in the back of your mind, but take every syllable with a grain of Lawry’s Seasoned Salt. Every story has two sides – the ex likely is giving you just one perspective. That’s not necessarily enough to end a new relationship.