Love Letters: Should You Get A Prenup?

The Socrates of social media is back to answer more of your love questions.

I’m a gold medalist in these love games. You should rock with your boy. Here’s how.

Send your inquiries to soulinstereoblog@gmail.com, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

Do you believe in prenuptial agreements?

Marrying With Caution

Prenuptial agreements are not part of my constitution.

In 2014, I can understand why a couple would want a prenup. With one out of three first marriages ending in divorce (and 50 percent of second marriages disintegrating as well) it’s just good business sense to safeguard your assets.

You gotta look out for yourself first, right?

And see, that line of thinking is the problem.

The moment you start swapping engagement rings with your boo, it’s no longer about you. It’s about the union. “You” no longer exists. What’s yours is theirs. Drawing a line in the sand before the union even begins sets a bad precedent. It’s a built-in back door for your relationship – an escape route that’s ready for the first sign of trouble.

Prenups are made for protection but, in my experience, they’re more like a giant reset button. Things aren’t working out? No need to tough it out through hard times. Thanks to the magic of the prenup, we can cut ties and go back to our single, financially secure days.

Just with more heartache and emotional baggage to tote around. We tend to forget about that when we’re staring at our bank statements.

I know, I know, I’m oversimplifying divorce. Many couples don’t split over petty grievances. For some, divorce is the final step after many failed attempts at reconciliation. Those who have dealt with messy divorces, or are the product of divorced couples, probably can attest that a prenup would have spared their family a lot of grief.

But you did ask my opinion, and in my opinion, a prenup shouldn’t be part of the game plan. Many of you reading this are probably saying “it’s easy for you to say this, playa, you have a great marriage!” Well, yeah I do, but that doesn’t mean the wifey and I have never faced adversity. We’ve had unbelievably rough times but calling it quits was never, EVER an option. We didn’t want a prenup danging like a carrot during those trying times.

Divorces are tumultuous for any family and I realize that prenups are built to make things slightly easier. But I’m sorry to break this to you – divorces are NOT easy, no matter how much money a prenup saves you.

If you want a prenup, I won’t judge you. But when my wife walked down the aisle, the last thing on my mind was who would get what if this marriage thing didn’t work out.

Because I’ll fight till my dying day to make sure it does work.

And one more question for those who haven’t already abandoned this post to write me nasty emails:

Is it cool for a woman to keep her ex-husband’s last name after a divorce?

Looking For New Start

Why not? It’s her name now, anyway.

Seriously, I know many women who have divorced and decided to maintain their married name. Not only are name changes a huge hassle, depending on how long the woman has been married, that last name could be connected to many business matters.

I know I’d be pissed if I changed my name and I got a bunch of free address labels with the old name listed. But maybe that’s because I’m obsessed with address labels.

Anyway, the choice is hers. If it’s cool with her, it’s cool with me.