Love Letters: Three Ways Women Accidentally Turn Off Men

Who is in the mood for love?

If you’ve got the questions, the Bruce Lee of the blogosphere has answers. Hit me up.

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Here’s today’s question:

I recently found out that a guy I knew back in high school was crazy about me but he wouldn’t approach me because he said he was intimated by me. He was from the projects and I was upper middle class. What are some other things that can cause a man not to approach a woman?

Poor Little Rich Girl

There’s a bit of a misconception out there that portrays men as ravenous beasts that will hump anything that crosses the street. Nah, we have insecurities and, yes, turnoffs, just like women.

Sorry ladies, it’s true – there are things you do that will cause brothers to run screaming in the other direction.

Here are a few:

Attitude. Some women confuse “bossy” with “strong-willed.” Some confuse “critical” with “outspokenness.” Men won’t be confused though. Loud, belligerent, snooty and downright negative personalities are a major turnoff. I don’t care what Madea and Love & Hip Hop taught you, no man wants to deal with that.

Provocative dress. Trust me, I know women in their 50s who squeeze into those dresses that look like hot links to catch a man’s attention. Despite what you man have heard, men aren’t attracted to slutty attire. Boys, maybe, but not men. That Instagram thirst doesn’t translate to real life – provocative dress is a red flag for most men.

Honestly, I could list examples all day but let’s cut to the chase with the biggest turn-off of them all: Women who refuse to be themselves. This actually goes back to the original question. The guy didn’t want to date you because your family has more money than his did. I understand his insecurities but, well, that’s who you are. Unless you were slapping your classmates in the face with $100 bills, I assume you were just being yourself. You can’t change your background. Whomever you date needs to understand and appreciate that.

I can give you a checklist of do’s and don’t’s to make yourself more desirable to men but it won’t mean anything if you’re trying to be someone you’re not. Men can spot a faker from a mile away and trust me, we don’t have time for you to wait around to unveil your “true” self.

So be honest and upfront at all times. If he can’t handle who you really are – rich or poor or whatever – wait until you find someone who can.

Just be you. Unless you are a ratchet, flaming mess. If so, work on that. ASAP.

Who’s up next?

Why do women cheat better than men?

KJ

So yesterday I was in the gym watching Girl Code.

Shut up, just SHUT UP. The channel was stuck on MTV so I had to watch.

Anyway, the panel of D-list celebs also claimed that women cheat better than men. I ain’t buying it. I think society has brainwashed us to think that ALL MENZ IZ DAWGZ so it’s not a shock for a man to be unfaithful. Plus, we’ve always celebrated the man who beds a billion women and look down on any woman who would even consider eyeballing another man.

Society says most men are expected to cheat. Ladies, even your precious Tyrese says so.  But women? Nah, they wouldn’t dare because they’d look like filthy whores. And who would want a filthy whore?

Maybe the filthy male whores, I don’t know.

So I don’t think women cheat “better.” I think it’s just more unexpected.

Wait, why are we debating this in the first place? My life would be a lot easier if people would try to remain faithful.

Last one cuz y’all are making my nerves bad:

Who is supposed to make the first move when going for a kiss?

DW

Ladies, I’m sure your mothers told you to sit demurely on a warm spring day, blink your eyes coyly while holding your parasol as your Prince Charming leans in and gently kisses you.

But this ain’t Disneyland. Ladies, if you want some, go get some.

Yeah, I know a lot of women – and many men too – might be uncomfortable with being that forward. Gender roles, and all that, you know. So to be on the safe side, let the guy lead the way.

Still, I have no problem if the woman wants to start things off, as long as she isn’t being all mouth-rapey. Who’s gonna turn down a kiss from a beautiful woman?