Love Letters: Why Don’t Men Like Natural Hair?

Welcome back, lovelorn readers. It’s again time for the Chuck Woolery of the Internetz to bestow sage advice.

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Here’s today’s question:

Why don’t a lot of African American men like their significant others to wear natural hairstyles?

Needing  to get to the root of the matter

You came to the right brother for this question. Have you seen my beautiful wife? She was rocking natural hair long before it became all trendy.

More and more women are embracing their natural tresses because it’s empowering. Why spend all that money on straighteners, chemicals and other weird stuff to force your hair to look like something else when it’s fine in its natural state?

But, like everything else, even good intentions can be derailed.

If you haven’t heard of the black woman’s struggle with “good hair” vs “not good hair,” here’s a synopsis – if your hair naturally is long and European looking, without the use of chemicals, you got dat good hair, chile. If it comes out of your scalp short and kinky, that’s the “not good” variety.

And while this trend toward natural hair would seem to break that foolish cycle, it hasn’t. The “good hair” debate has evolved, and it’s as stupid as ever.

See my wife’s hair? Long, shiny, big and curly? That’s “good” natural hair, I’m told. But lord, don’t have “bad” natural hair – short and/or frizzy with extremely tight curls. They call ’em buckshots. Beady-bees. Naps. All of the above.

In my experience, a lot of guys (and girls too) aren’t too fond of the “bad” natural hair. In fact, many of my boys don’t want their women to go natural at all. They fear that under all those expensive beauty shop treatments lies the dreaded “bad” natural hair. For them, that’s undesirable.

Undesirable in the dude’s eyes, that is. Maybe your guy doesn’t like that natural hair deviates from the media-approved European style of bone-straight hair. Maybe he doesn’t like short styles. Or big poofy ones. Perhaps he just hates curls.

But what if the woman loves it?

We all have our preferences. I’m an extremely picky brother and there are TONS of physical traits I’m not fond of. But fellas, be careful about a woman’s hair. For some women, going natural isn’t just a change in hairstyle, it’s a change in lifestyle. There’s a freedom that goes along with that. Belittling her choice to go natural can be more damaging than you think.

Still, it’s her choice. If you can’t deal with that, there are plenty of non-natural ladies out there to choose from. Do you.

Question No. 2:

How do you give someone the cool brush off without insulting them?

KJ

KJ’s still getting chased by lames from the club, I see.

Honesty is the best policy, playa. Just tell that dude you’re not interested. We appreciate knowing EXACTLY where we stand (even if we complain about it at the time). Of course, don’t be ridiculous and say “I usually date men who drive 2014 model cars” or “I don’t like your haircut” or “you’re too short.”

ESPECIALLY NOT THAT LAST ONE. Don’t make me have to punch somebody in their kneecaps.

I’d rather a woman say, “sorry, I’m not trying to pursue a relationship now” than be patronizing (“we can be friends though!”) or insulting (“Why are you so short?”)

Just be real. But respectful.