Love Letters: How To Escape The Friend Zone & Thoughts on Kendrick Lamar’s “Control” Verse

Since I didn’t have time to do this yesterday, let me speak briefly on National Kendrick Lamar Day and the “rap beef” that does not exist.

In case you’ve been in a coma, let me catch you up. Late Monday night, Big Sean dropped one of his usual crappy songs. Once Medium Sean finished stumbling all over himself, Kendrick Lamar stepped in and absolutely destroyed the track. I mean, the kid ransacked the beat. Jay Electronica also showed up at the end but he was left with nothing but scorched earth.

The track raised two questions on social media that were debated all day Tuesday: Was Kendrick’s verse the best rap verse of all time? And did Kendrick diss his peers in the verse, where he named-dropped a ton of up-and-comers and vowed to surpass them?

Answers: no and no.

Rap fans have been spoon fed baby food for so long that when they’re blessed with a full course meal they can’t control themselves. Kendrick’s verse was amazing (“someone heard the stewardess said/That your parachute is a latex condom hooked to a dread” – GEEZ), maybe the best this year. But best of all time? Playa please. Chill.

Secondly, Kendrick is not beefing with anyone. Stop jumping to conclusions and actually listen to what the man is saying: “I got love for you all but I’m tryna murder you n****s.” He respects his peers but he wants to be No. 1 and will stop at nothing to surpass them.

Like I said on The Books of Face yesterday, rap USED to be about competition, not who is the richest or who can fit into their sister’s jeans. Competition is making a comeback. Praise the Lord.

Thank Kendrick for reminding us what real hip hop is about and for getting his peers fired up. Joell Ortiz has already stepped up the plate. 

Oh, and I thank Kendrick for making y’all discuss lyrical talent for once.

Enough about Kendrick, let’s get to the love questions.

Send your inquiries to soulinstereoblog@gmail.com, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.   

Here’s today’s question:

How do you tell someone that you’ve always looked up to as a friend that you have more than friend feelings for them?

AA

Ah, the dreaded Friend Zone, that dreaded place that looks like all of Glenn Lewis’ album covers.

Telling a friend you have feeling for them is tough because nothing will EVER be the same afteward. So before you do it, make sure you’re 100% ready to take that step and, possibly, risk your friendship.

As with all things in this column, honesty is best. Sit your friend down, tell them how you feel but don’t set any ultimatums or expectations upfront. Saying “I need to know where this is going” or something equally stupid puts unfair pressure on your friend. Express your feelings, leave the ball in their court and respect their decision.

Most importantly, and this is coming from experience, don’t assume that because you have feelings for your friend that those feelings are mutual. Strong-arming a friend into a relationship will explode in your face.

One of my best friends wound up becoming an extreme pest once she revealed her feelings for me. She was a beautiful girl (my boys thought I was insane for not hitting that dating her) but I just didn’t see her as anything other than her friend. Why lead her on? Well, her constant pursuit of me got OLD FAST, especially when her nagging friends started harassing me on her behalf. That buddy quickly became a nemesis. But let me make this clear – I had no problem with her telling me her feelings. It was the execution that drove me crazy.

If you have feelings for a friend, speak your mind. Keeping them bottled up won’t do any good. Just be frank, be open to your friend’s decision and be willing to accept the consequences. That friend could end up your soul mate.

Or you could end up like Glenn Lewis.

Either way, at least you won’t spend your life wondering what could have been.