Love Letters: Should I Tell My Friend Her Boyfriend is Cheating?

We’re back with another venture into the land of love. And it’s only right that we pay tribute to the master of the love ballad, Barry White.

That’s probably the greatest album cover of all time. Ladies, you WISH your hair had that much body. And that swede coat? It’s probably made from the silky hides of beige unicorns.

I’m in awe of the man’s smoothness.

But let’s get down to business. Here’s how you can contribute your love questions (Barry White-related or not).

Send your inquiries to soulinstereoblog@gmail.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.   

Here’s today’s question:

How do you tell a very good friend that their significant other is cheating on them? Is it even a good idea to let them know their mate is a cheater?

KJ

This is a tough one and really depends on the situation. Like Denzel in “Training Day,” you could go from close confidant to evil adversary in a matter of seconds.

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First, before you go meddling in someone’s affairs you better be ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SURE something shady is going down. It has to be more than a hunch or something you overheard, you need to know absolutely sure that foul play is afoot.

Then, break it to your friend gently. Don’t come with that Maury Show “GRRRRRRRRRL HE A DAWG” foolishness. Let your friend know what’s up in a succinct, civil manner. Most importantly, make this more about your friend (saying that you’re looking out for her, reminding her that you will be there to help her through this tough time) and less about the guilty party.

Once you relay that message, what your friend does with that info is HER business. Whether she decides to end the relationship, continue it or just call you a filthy liar, it’s her decision. If the woman is adult enough to be in a relationship, she’s adult enough to face the consequences. Don’t strong-arm her into doing anything she doesn’t want to do.

As a friend, you should feel obligated to warn her if she’s headed toward heartbreak. But you can’t live her life for her. The final choice needs to be hers.

Question No. 2, from KJ. I’m becoming her personal therapist.

Why do we as women fuss about being single but yet we are so picky

KJ

There’s nothing wrong with being picky. In fact, a lot of y’all would have much healthier relationships if you dated someone on your level instead of gettin’ with any old dude “with potential” and trying to recreate the perfect man, like a ghetto Build-A-Bear Workshop.

But there is a fine line between being selective and being downright unreasonable. If you refuse to date a guy because he’s 1.5 inches shorter than your “required” height, that’s stupid. If you refuse to date a guy because his hue is lighter/darker than you prefer, that’s stupid.

In fact if you’re still comparing men using some idiotic list of criteria you and your girls wrote in high school, that’s EXTRA stupid.

Select a mate who is on the same life trajectory as you and shares similar goals, ideals and values. If you’re ruling out men based on picky stuff like hair texture, you’re gonna be single a long time. And maybe rightfully so.