Love Letters: Should A Woman Pay For A Date?

A couple of weeks ago, I imparted a bit of my relationship knowledge to my brother-in-law. After soaking up a few of my brain storms, he said, “man, you must have the perfect marriage.” I quickly replied, “Nah, playa. We just respect each other and talk things out so there’s never any misunderstandings.”

If it was a perfect marriage, she’d listen to as much Keith Sweat as I do. But that’s probably asking too much.

Anyway, if you too would like to taste some of my mind candy, send me an email.

Mmmmm, mind candy.

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Here’s today’s question: 

If a woman asks a man out on a date should she have to pay?

DM

Great question (which is my code word for “man, this is a hard question.”).

Being the Southern gentleman that I am, I always expected to pay for every date I went on. Of course, sometimes I had to pump the breaks when a few sisters took my kindness for weakness (women ordering TWO entrees at dinner? Playa please. Act like you have some home training.)

However, you all know my wife lives and breathes feminism. Every date she’s gone on she has expected to either go dutch or foot the bill herself. It’s funny, when we first started dating, we’d actually argue about who would pay for the evening.

A woman who insists on paying? Fellas, be jealous.

I’m an old school kinda guy, and I definitely believe in brothers handling the bill if they initiate the date. But what if the woman initiates it?

I’ve made it clear before and I’ll gladly restate it here: Ladies, it’s 2012. There’s nothing wrong with asking out a guy, as long as it’s done respectfully. Does that mean the woman is now committed to the cost of the date? It’s a tough call, but generally I’d say yes.

I’ve been asked out by women before and yes, I covered the date myself — as long as it was within reason. For example, every year around the Kentucky Derby, T.I. comes to town and demands $100 a ticket for his show. Now, if some woman ‘asked me out’ to the show just so she could get a free ticket to see T.I. perform the only two good songs he has, she would be in for some serious heartbreak. For $100, T.I. better have Hologram Biggie, Hologram ODB, Keith Sweat, free Sour Patch Kids and a guest appearance by the X-Men. $100 for T.I.?!?!

Sorry, got off track there. Sure, if a woman asked me out on a non-T.I. date, I’ll handle things. I’m just that kinda guy, and there are many guys who would do the same. However, I think it’s kinda understood that the person who initiates the date — man or woman — is in charge of organizing and coordinating it, including shelling out the moolah. That doesn’t mean a woman will have to pay if she asks a guy out, but she should probably expect to. So ladies, you might need to dust off the debit card.

If there’s any confusion about who will pay, clear it up before the date. Yeah, I know talking about money can be awkward, so just work it into the conversation subtlety. If you’re asking the guy out, maybe say, “Want to catch that movie after work tonight? We can go dutch if you like.” That works a lot better than, “You wanna take me to the club? OK, who payin!?!?” or just ignoring the issue and silently praying during the car ride that he’ll cover it. Maybe the guy will say “sure, we can split the costs,” maybe he’ll say, “oh, I’ll cover it,” maybe he’ll say “I’m broke.” Either way, there will be no confusion and you and your date won’t have to ignore the expensive elephant in the room.

If a woman is confident enough to buck gender roles and ask a man out, she should also be confident enough to buck gender roles and cover the date, if need be. She shouldn’t immediately pass the bill to the man just because DATZ WHUT MENZ ‘POSED TO DO, just like men shouldn’t expect women to cook and clean because DATZ WHUT WIMMENZ ‘POSED TO DO. Just be sure to communicate and clear up any major cost questions before the date.

And ladies AND gents, please don’t make your significant other waste 100 bucks on a T.I. show.