Love Letters: Change of Heart

A few days ago while at the gym, sweating like Lil Boosie at a parole hearing, I learned that MTV has a new show called Savage U. Some dude named Dan Savage hangs around college campuses answering questions about love and sex.

Again I ask, if these dudes can get a TV show, why can’t I? It can air on TVOne – they’ll show just about anything.

Until y’all find a 30-minute spot for Love Letters on the local public access station, you can find me here.
 
Send your inquiries to edward@soulinstereo.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

Do you think it’s possible to change a man’s mind that says he doesn’t want anymore children and doesn’t want to get married?

KJ

Sure, it’s possible to change a man’s mind. Personally, I had no desire to ever get married.

Many of you only know me as Edd, Devoted Married Man and Crabby Keith Sweat Fan. I’m the guy who retweets blogs about natural hair and makes Easter baskets for the wifey. Oh, but back in college it was a much different story. Older friends can tell you about college Edd, Serial Dater and Crabby Keith Sweat Fan.

Yeah, I’ve changed a bit, but not by much.

Don’t get it twisted, people, I wasn’t some sloppy man-whore like the weirdos from Savage U. But I did lots of dating and my friends thought I’d NEVER settle down. Most college friends who reconnect with me on Facebook are shocked to find that my Player’s Card has been revoked.

I have always taken marriage very seriously. In fact, I took all relationships seriously. Usually it only took one or two dates to realize that most of my college flings were going nowhere. So I quickly moved on. Why waste time with a woman who clearly isn’t the one? So I kept it moving.

After years of being called too picky and self-centered, I started to buy into it. I figured that I was related to Prince’s Purple Rain mom (like me, she’s never satisfied…), and realized that marriage probably isn’t for me.

Until I met the right woman, that is. Then it all changed.

The wifey will tell you that I’m a pretty stubborn dude. If I can change, any man can — but only if that man wants to change for himself. If your guy is adamant about not having kids or walking down the aisle, no amount of begging, pleading or nagging will change his mind. In fact, that will just make things much, much worse.  (Ladies, if you learn nothing else from this post, know that nagging is male Kryptonite.)

No, you personally can’t change a man’s mind, but he definitely can change his own mind. The best thing you can do is persuade him by showering him with love and affection. And I don’t mean cheap booty calls or by throwing your friends’ baby pictures in his face – if a man realizes he has something special, it’ll give him incentive to rethink his life plan. I did.

You can’t force a man to make that kind of commitment, though. And why would you? Your husband needs to be a man who wants to be with you and your future kids, not because he was locked into the decision.

Simply show him a little love. It could be the best decision of both your lives.