Love Letters: Bad Girls

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Why do men love a mean woman when there are so many nice women in the world?

KH

Wait, wait, wait. I hope you aren’t insinuating that only the male species gravitates toward the wrong crowd. Ask Mary J. Blige about her bad boy.

Or these brain surgeons:

These are the role models of our children, people. Even worse, that guy likely will be at my family reunion in July. He won’t get any potato salad; I’ll make sure of that.

I’m sure I could try to dig up some deep psychological reason that causes men (and women) to go after things that are bad for them, but I only got a B in my college psychology class. So let’s go with good ol’ common sense.

Danger is alluring. For women, bad boys offer an edge and their aggressiveness (ironically) can make a woman feel safe and protected. Some guys, me included, dislike shrinking violets. There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to a confident woman, but we often confuse ‘confidence’ with ‘crazy.’ Before you know it, you’re dating one of the beasts from The Bad Girls Club.

I’ve been there. I dated a ton of girls like that in college. Emphasis on college, not adulthood.

Anyone – ESPECIALLY a fully functioning adult – who puts up with a drunken, promiscuous street fighter clearly isn’t looking for a long-term relationship or has no concept of a healthy relationship. If you have your eye on a guy who prefers sloppy club brawlers over a woman who has her life together, forget him. Eventually, he’ll realize that he’ll need someone more mature in his life and he’ll be ready to move on – possibly with you. But don’t force him to make that decision, he has to make it on his own. If all he wants is a bad girl, he’s not ready for a real relationship, and not worthy of your time.