It’s not flattery; it’s harassment

Very rarely will you find me wearing a skirt or dress that doesn’t stop at or below my knee. Even when I’m wearing running shorts I am sure to wear running tights underneath. This is not because I’m ashamed of my thighs. I’m a runner; my thighs are awesome (I’m just sayin’…). I do this because of a memory from 2004 that I can’t get out of my head.

It was a hot day in sunny California, which is where I was living at the time, and I had errands to run. I threw on a baby tee and a relatively short casual skirt; it probably hit about three inches above my knee. While walking around town I got cat calls on nearly every block from men who looked to be in their 20s and men who looked to be my father’s age or older. Many of the comments were very sexual,quite lewd and unabashedly so.

When I turned down one particularly persistent guy who wanted my number, wanted to know what I was doing later, and kept asking “Can I walk wit’ chu?” the name calling started. “F*ck you bitch!” he yelled. His friend thought of a more original retort: “That’s why we don’t even get down wit’ square chicks.” WTF does that even mean?

I hurried back to my studio apartment, took a shower, and cried. I was not crying because some jerk called me a bitch. That had happened before. I didn’t care that his punk friend thought I was square. I didn’t even cry because the sexual comments made me feel dirty. That wasn’t new either. I cried because I was angry with myself. The eyes of the men flirting with me all went straight to my thighs. If only I’d worn jeans this wouldn’t have happened, I told myself.

There I was blaming myself even though if any of my friends came to me with the same story I would say, “Don’t you dare think that this is your fault.”

But in the midst of my tears I also remembered that I should count my blessings. I remembered that back when I was in high school a girl in my hometown was approached by a group of guys while she was hanging out in a local park. When she blew them off the leader of the crew threw a beer bottle at her head. When she turned around to yell at him for the assault he shot her. She was only 15.

This week has been International Anti-Street Harassment Week which has set aside March 18 – 24 to spread awareness, share stories, and ask men to join women in solidarity against this problem. It’s not flattery; it’s harassment — that’s part of the message that this event and its organizer, Holly Kearl, seek to spread. And as Thembi Ford of Clutch magazine said of this issue:  “This is not a women’s problem, it is a social problem.” 

Visit StopStreetHarassment.org to learn more and check out this video by a group of New Yorkers determined to do something about this issue.