What It Means to Have a Healthy Relationship
When Tori LaConsay approached me about participating in the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence’s first Blog-a-thon for Domestic Violence Awareness Month I jumped at the chance to write for such an important cause. I admit, however, I found the task I signed up for a bit daunting: write about what it means to have and enjoy a healthy relationship – be it with a friend, a family member, or a romantic partner.
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| Hubs and I |
I’m certainly no relationship expert and my marriage is not perfect. My husband and I disagree sometimes just like any other couple. We get annoyed by each other’s quirks. And though our faith in God is the cornerstone of our relationship, we certainly don’t always exemplify the definition of love found in 1 Corinthians 13. We’re not always patient; we’re not always kind. Sometimes we do keep records of wrongs.
Our relationship is not always happy, but it is always healthy. This I say with confidence. So what does it mean to participate in a healthy relationship? It means to be in a relationship in which you and your significant other treat each other as equals. This may sound simple, but it most certainly is not, especially since we live in a society where so many men are taught by parents, preachers, and pop culture that it’s OK to treat women as second class citizens. Ideas about men ruling over women are so much a part of our culture that many men don’t even realize when they’re perpetuating this line of thinking.
Fortunately, I am married to a man who values and respects my opinions, my dreams, and my individuality. Questions like Who wears the pants in the relationship? have no place in our marriage and, therefore, neither does abuse of any kind — verbal, physical, or emotional. If you’re treating someone as your equal, if you’re respecting a person as much as you respect yourself (and you have a healthy amount of self-respect) there is no room for abuse. There simply can’t be.
To abuse means to “put to a wrong or improper use.” My husband knows that my proper place in our relationship is as his partner and nothing less. A true partnership, even according to Merriam-Webster, is a relationship involving close cooperation between parties with equal rights and responsibilities. Embracing this idea keeps our union healthy and strong.
What do you think is the key to a healthy relationship?
Thank you for this WONDERFUL post! I squealed with glee when I read, “Questions like ‘Who wears the pants in the relationship?’ have no place in our marriage and, therefore, neither does abuse of any kind — verbal, physical, or emotional.” How TRUE.
While I’m not married, I am very lucky to enjoy an equal partnership with my boyfriend, and I am so happy to see you put that notion into words. Thank you!
I also wanted to share the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence hotline number in case any of your readers or their loved ones need access to help against abusive relationships.
Please call the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence for help 24/7 at 1-800-650-6522 or visit them online at http://www.acadv.org.
Excellent.
Unfortunately, those social norms are NOT accepted in my husband’s culture. He is from Egypt – and was told the man can and will dominate his wife. The major point of contention in our marriage. He married an american feminist.. EEK. Perhaps we need to take your advice and realize – there are no leaders” – only a team. However.. it is so deeply engrained in his psyche, that he is in control.
The last frontier in the middle east – Women’s rights. 😉
Great information. I am glad we are doing this in honor of dv month. What an awesome idea!
I like how measures are being taken, BUT ONE THING I TRULY WISH IS DONE AND SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALWAYS IS To make it clear that domestic violence can work both ways as the female as a perpetrator and male as victim in addition to male as perpetrator and female as victim. Clearly other than physical or verbal violence or aggression, nastiest and most unacceptable body language such as eye rolls and other unacceptable behavior as breaking promises, gossipping, going off on minor trivial things like dishes, laundrying, toilet and acting controlling are big no-nos and never to be tolerated. I swear to God that if we were going to take measures against domestic violence we must always practice gender equality and no discrimination wherein seeing females likely to be perpetrators as well rather than males always.
Frankly, I wonder how it would be if there was always a house guard with a loaded gun to always monitor each spouse’s behavior?
Anonymous – I don’t think many advocates would disagree that equality and respect in relationships is important. In fact, that’s exactly what this blog post is about.
Unfortunately, your anonymity, paired with your strange and extremist statements immediately render your take on things pretty ridiculous, and most of all, render you a complete and utter coward. Shame on you.
I absolutely agree that both men and women can be victims of domestic violence. This post is about viewing your significant other as a true partner and as your equal, something both men and women must do. I spoke specifically about women being treated as second class citizen because that is the type of discrimination I’ve had to deal with most and I’ve seen this attitude affect my own romantic relationships in the past. But I was in no way suggesting that men cannot be victims of abuse too.
Thank you for this article. Very uplifting.
Very well put!
Equality does not mean equal physical strength, but equal respect and consideration.
It is up to each of us to set a positive example for the younger generations of what healthy relationships look like. Whether we are parents are not is immaterial. Young men and women are looking for positive role models as they merge into adulthood.