He Said, She Said: Is Natural Hair a Man Repellent?

It’s time for another edition of He Said, She Said. This occasional Georgia Mae feature allows our resident man blogger and me to discuss different, though not necessarily opposing, thoughts on different issues. 

She said:


Last week a male friend of mine called to my attention an article titled Natural Hair I Not a Man Magnet.


I guess this is the latest angle to the worn out news story of why black women can’t get a man. First we were too mean, then too educated and successful, then too fat, and now it’s because our hair is too nappy. But I digress.


In the article the writer talks about friends who are as cute as they are kind and who all sport natural hair. She says that since going natural these friends have had trouble getting attention from men, well, black men, that is. Which brings us to the topic of what should a woman do if her man doesn’t like her natural hair?


I’ll be honest I have pretty extreme opinions on this topic but also an atypical situation. Many women grappling with this question are transitioning from relaxed to natural hair and their men are giving them the side eye because  in one instant they went from long, luxurious Indian Remy to a fade or a ‘fro. That wasn’t the case with Edward and me. When we met in 2002 I was already wearing my hair in its naturally curly state. In fact, it’s my hair that caught his attention he says. He noticed me, he says, because he saw “this little woman with big hair running around the newsroom.”


A year prior, I had attempted to start sporting the curly coif for which I’m now known and the guy I was dating at the time hated it and was constantly telling me I needed to get a relaxer ASAP. As you can imagine, this did wonders for my self-esteem.


Some women say it doesn’t matter what your man thinks and you should just do what you want. But is it really that simple? If you’re in a serious, committed relationship with a person of course you want that person to like the way you look and there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s why if Edd suddenly left me for Kim Kardashian and I found myself single and back on the dating scene I would not date a man who prefers straight hair. Period. That might sound unreasonable but that’s where I stand. A man telling me he wants me to keep my hair straightened is like telling me he wants me to wear makeup to bed.


Furthermore, natural hair for me is about so much more than hair. I see natural hair as a gateway to self-acceptance and a way to build community among black women. I must be in a relationship with a man who understands that and who loves my natural hair as much as I do. 


Now I’m not saying naturalistas married to men who prefer relaxed hair should go file for divorce. But if you’re still searching for Mr. Right and if natural hair is not just a fad for you but an actual lifestyle change you need to be with someone who will respect that.


— Javacia


He said:


Let me defend the brothers for a second. I think men who dislike natural hair are unfairly criticized. Everyone has their preferences and when the media has fed us a steady diet of a specific image of beauty, it’s hard to turn back. Some people think Rihanna is a fantastic singer. I think those people have severe mental issues, but to each his own. If a guy doesn’t like natural hair, eh, that’s his choice. Natural hair is no more of a “repellent” than short hair or unpolished toenails or acrylic nails. Some dudes like ’em, some don’t.


I’m very supportive of the natural hair movement, but as the wifey mentioned above, when I met her she was already natural and curly. It’s not like she went from long silky weave to chewed-off Bobby Brown Gumby fade overnight. Many men (including me) aren’t fond of change, especially the drastic change in a woman’s appearance during the early stages of going natural. I would be taken aback if her look radically changed – she wouldn’t look like the woman I fell for. But of course, being that stuck on  physical appearance is as dumb as Rihanna’s songs.


Guys have to understand that for many women, going natural is more than just a physical thing. It’s an expression – almost a declaration – that embraces who they truly are. If a man truly cares for his woman, he would respect that.


And what about those single ladies who are afraid to go natural because they won’t pull their dream man? If you’re afraid to go natural because you’ll ward off some magical dream man, you need to re-examine your priorities. You should never compromise who you are because it MIGHT somehow upset some guy you MIGHT meet one day who MIGHT make your dreams come true. If a guy can’t accept you for you, he can buy a pack of weave from Family Dollar and cuddle with that all night. He never wanted you anyway, at least not the real you. He just wanted a facsimile.


— Edd