Real Women Know How to Cook?

The hubster and I spent last week in Virginia visiting his family. During these trips I always spend at least one day having mother-in-law/daughter-in-law bonding time with Edd’s mom. During last week’s girls day out we had breakfast, ran some errands and then went to visit Edd’s grandmother (who, by the way, is quite possibly the cutest grandmother on the planet.) 


While we sitting around Grandma’s kitchen she asked one of the many questions I dread being asked: “So Jai, do you like to cook?” I answered quickly, simply, and honestly: “No. Not at all.” She laughed and then said “Well, at least you’re honest.” And that was it. I was shocked. There I was getting ready to launch into a lecture about sexism and gender roles, and it was completely unnecessary. 


She did ask if my mother liked to cook and I explained that I grew up in a household in which my father did all the cooking. I was expecting her to make a funny face, a face that implied my mom was less of a woman because her man was in the kitchen and she wasn’t. Instead she simply said, “Well, she is a lucky woman!”


With that I got to thinking: are traditional heteronormative gender roles slowly no longer being considered the norm? If a woman born in 1928 can look past them, surely folks in their 20s, 30s, and 40s can too, right?


I’m not getting my hopes up. Many women who do love cooking still look down upon those of us who don’t. Many men (and women) still think a woman is only good wife material if she can throw down in the kitchen.  I remember when Edd and I got engaged in 2005, one of the questions several friends asked me immediately after I made the big announcement was: “So do you know how to cook?”  The old adage that “real women know how to cook” is still alive and well. 


Yesterday in my Summer Manifesto I mentioned that I’m going to try to start cooking more, and that wasn’t a lie (though it may end up being a broken promise). The reason I want to learn to love cooking, however, has nothing to do with the fact that I have two X chromosomes and thus believe it is my duty. I believe all people, men and women, should know how to prepare fresh, well-balanced meals for themselves for better health (and a better bank account).So even if by some miracle I become the black Martha Stewart please understand that will not make me a better woman or a better wife. I will simply be a better cook.