He Said, She Said: Being the Man

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for another edition of He Said, She Said. This occasional Georgia Mae feature allows our resident man blogger and I to discuss different, and sometimes opposing, thoughts on issues both frivolous and grave. Listen in on our recent discussion on what the phrase “Let the man be the man” really means. 

He Said:

Lots of philosophical questions get tossed around the Bowser household. Sure, most questions are something like “Where is the TV remote?,” “Have you seen my cell phone?” or “Whatever happened to Men At Large?” Those questions are almost always answered by saying “check the couch cushions.”

Some questions require deeper analysis.

A couple of nights ago, the wifey hit me with this one: “Do you need me to need you?” 


Which left me confused. Brothers, when posed with such questions, seek clarification and choose your answers carefully, unless you want to catch a cooking utensil in the face.

She Said:


Let me explain. Since the issue of why so many black women aren’t married is in the limelight once again I’ve been reading a lot about relationships. Last week I came across this headline on one of my favorite blogs: “Men Speak: We Need to Feel Needed.” The post included a statement from an Essence.com commenter, a black man who ventured to explain why successful men and successful women often clash in relationships. He said: 


The man has been trained to LEAD, be the man, take care, provide and become the head of household like his father, while the woman has been so independent since she left college, that she doesn’t know how to treat a strong man. 


He goes on later to say: Ladies, you have to learn the “ART” of playing your role. 


Phrases like Let the man be the man and Ladies, play your role are like nails on a chalk board for me. What  does be the man even mean? Does being the man mean he must be the bread winner in the family? Well, what if a man wants stay home and be the primary caregiver of his children while his wife pursues her career. Is he less of a man? 


The Essence.com commenter also said men are offended when their girlfriends don’t ask them to wash their cars or fix their plumbing. I’ve known my husband for nearly eight years and I’ve never asked him to wash my car. Not because I don’t think he’s a real man, but because I know he’s busy. So again I ask, Edd, do you need to feel like I need you and if so why?  

But a relationship is a partnership. I don’t need you to need me. I need us to need we.


Uhhh, y’all know what I mean. 


Here’s an example – as many of you know, we recently moved to Birmingham when Javacia received a better-paying job. That meant I had to leave my job behind. In. A. Recession. And while no one outwardly said “Are you crazy?!” it was hinted at plenty of times. However, I guarantee no one would have batted an eye if I was the one who got a new job and my wife had to leave her career behind to follow her man. But I was cool with the decision because it was a great opportunity for her – and therefore good for us. And yeah, I struggled a bit emotionally while I hunted for a job because, again, we’re wired to be providers. But I never took it out on the wifey or demanded that she “know her role” – her role was maintaining her new career, and she did it well. Now, we’re both gainfully employed and it’s all good.


The only thing I “need” from you is to continue being a good woman.