Edd’s MANtra: “Sit Down! Sit Down!”

Check out this nugget I grabbed last week from USA Today:

 

And 150 million women rejoiced.


But don’t get too excited, haters.


Still, Beyonce says it would be hard to be away. “It will be the hardest thing in the world for me to make myself not do an album and shoot a video and turn it in and say, ‘I’m ready!’ I already have all these melodies and ideas in my head. I have to tell myself, ‘Sit down! Sit down!’ “


This is all just wishful thinking by Bey. You can tell she’s trying to talk herself out of the idea of taking a break in this very interview. She ain’t going anywhere.


We’ve discussed the irrational hate for Beyonce before but if ANYONE needs a break, it’s her. If not for her own sake, for ours. I believe one of the top reasons she’s so maligned is that she’s always around. Always. I don’t think she’s ever heard the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”


Let’s look back at what she has been up to for the past 10 years. For the sake of my sanity, I’m skipping her early Destiny’s Child stuff to the start of her solo career.

– Starred in “Austin Powers in Goldmember” and released “Work It Out,” complete with big hula hoop and even bigger hair.


2003:


– Her relationship with Jay-Z finally started to leak, although I think they were together at least a year earlier.


– Released her first solo album Dangerously In Love, flooding radio and TV with singles, including that ear-shattering “Crazy In Love.” I wasn’t a fan. See, y’all aren’t the only ones who can hate on Bey.


2004:


– Destiny’s Child’s final album, Destiny Fulfilled, dropped.


2005:


– Released a DC Greatest Hits album, which included “Check On It.”


2006:

– Released B’Day, which I contend is her best solo album.


– “Dreamgirls” is released, but that sneaky Jennifer Hudson stole all Bey’s buzz, killing her chances for an Oscar – the only prize she has yet to claim.


2007:


– Rereleased B’Day. Who knows why. Maybe Papa Knowles wanted a new boat. Or hush money for his mistresses.


– Released B’Day Anthology, which included a ton of music videos. I just watched ’em on YouTube. Who would pay money for this?




2008:


– Released I Am…Sasha Fierce. Women everywhere began demanding men to “put a ring on it,” despite still bashing Beyonce. Uh huh.

– Starred in “Obsessed.” “You think you crazy? I show you crazy!” I hope she didn’t think that prose would land her an Oscar.


– Rereleased I Am…Sasha Fierce for some reason.


Beyonce also plans to release her own perfume line this year and there are rumors of another solo album. Does the woman sleep?


Bey has constantly been in our faces since 2002 (although you can probably go all the way back to 1998…). And while her talent is undeniable, she needs to give her fans time to miss her.


80s babies, I know y’all remember Hi-C fruit juice. It came in a gigantic metal can. Well, when the Ghostbusters cartoon was popular, they released a green “Ecto Cooler” Hi-C, based on their mascot Slimer. My brother and I loved it. So my mom bought it all the time. ALL THE TIME – so much that we despised it. Even now just a mental image of the can makes me recoil.


No matter how much you like something, too much will make you sick to your stomach.


Beyonce is Slimer Hi-C.


Take your own advice Bey and sit down.