There is no way to tip-toe around this, so I’ll be blunt.
I don’t like the Beatles. At all.
*ducks and runs for cover*
I respect their legacy, their legions of fans and the fact that they changed the face of pop music. But I could never get into their music – it’s either too corny or too incomprehensible.
And speaking of incomprehensible, you don’t have to look any further than the baffling “Come Together.” Blame that stupid Beatles Rock Band commercial for increasing my disdain for this song. In September I literally heard that song at least three times AN HOUR.
Kids, this is why we stress going to college. No human being should be forced to watch daytime TV and listen to that commercial 567 times a day.
But I’ve found that I’m in the minority in disliking “Come Together.” Our esteemed Webmistress loves it and even her Drake-worshipping brother thinks it’s magnificent. Of course, neither can explain exactly what the song is about.
That’s where I come in. Ugh, pray for me.
For those who need a reminder, here’s Michael Jackson’s cover of the iconic song.
Here come old flattop, he come grooving up slowly
He got joo-joo eyeball, he one holy roller
He got hair down to his knee
Got to be a joker he just do what he please
OK…so let’s break this down. They’re talking about some guy with a flat head; who loves to get his groove on; he has funny-looking eyeballs; he’s a “holy roller,” so I guess he’s into church; he must be pretty hairy since it reaches his knees; and is a goofball.
I think I got it.
He’s even covering up his joo-joo eyeballs so he won’t look even more goofy.
He wear no shoeshine, he got toe-jam football
He got monkey finger, he shoot coca-cola
He say “I know you, you know me”
One thing I can tell you is you got to be free
Come together right now over me
Now I’m lost. I don’t think Kid can shoot soda from his fingers. But from the sound of things dude needs a pedicure.
He bag production, he got walrus gumboot
He got Ono sideboard, he one spinal cracker
He got feet down below his knee
Hold you in his armchair you can feel his disease
Come together right now over me
What are these people talking about? What’s a walrus gumboot? Who doesn’t have feet below their knees!? And why are we coming together over this dude? Did he die? It sounds like a song for a wake.
[Right! Come, oh, come, come, come.]
He roller-coaster, he got early warning
He got muddy water, he one mojo filter
He say “One and one and one is three”
Got to be good-looking cos he’s so hard to see
Come together right now over me
Oh
Come together
Yeah come together
Yeah come together
Yeah come together
Yeah come together
Yeah come together
Yeah come together
Yeah oh
Come together
Yeah come together
Well, we can rest assured that the subject of the song passed kindergarten math. “He say ‘One and one and one is three.'” The man was truly a scholar. But here’s the funniest part of the entire song: “Got to be good-looking cos he’s so hard to see.” Are they saying the guy is only attractive when you’re not looking at him? Beatles got jokes.
The Verdict: The best thing I can figure is that the Beatles wrote a song dissing Kid ‘n Play to be played at their funerals. Man, even 50 Cent isn’t that heartless.
Edd, I always thought this song was about the Beatles’ drug supplier. It’s obvious they wrote it while extremely high.