Album Review: Drake, Honestly, Nevermind

Drake

Honestly, Nevermind (released June 17, 2022)

My day was going just fine. I’ve been under the weather for over a week but finally started feeling a little like the playa you know and love. So I peeled myself off the couch and downloaded Shredder’s Revenge for my Nintendo Switch.

If you’re an 80s baby who was into those old Ninja Turtle beat-em-up games, you feel me on this. It’s the perfect slice of nostalgia.

THEN.

Mere hours after Beyonce had announced the arrival of her new album, the light-skinned Loki of hip-hop Aubrey Drake Graham told the world that HE was planning a surprise drop of his seventh studio album that very evening.

Twitter rejoiced, screaming about it being a surefire album of the year contender, with the wisdom of a Rolling Stone editor ranking the 200 best hip-hop albums of all time.

Drake’s Take Care > Illmatic, I’m told.

Through all the cheers, I was just annoyed that I had to stop embracing the nostalgia of my new game to review another mediocre Drake album.

WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS STEAL A BLACK BOY’S JOY?

And since we’re talking nostalgia, I think we need to consider just how strong those feelings are – whether we’re talking games or music. My harsh criticisms of him aside over the years, I, your Unbiased Album Reviewer, will admit that in his heyday, Drake was a very solid artist. When millennial hip-hop fans rose to power on social media in the early 2010s, Drake spoke their language. He captured their experiences, had the radio rap formula  down to a science, became the most influential name in the game – all while boasting a very strong catalog of albums.

For awhile, anyway.

By 2015 or so, complacency set in. FAST. Like his frenemy Kanye West, seemingly every new album got weaker and sloppier, watering down a successful formula. Sure he had chart-topping hits, but they had the lifespan of a fruit fly. At this point, Drake has spent more years making bad albums than he has great ones.

Undeterred, his fans continue to ride for him, fueled by the fumes of nostalgia. They remember the good days, when he was innovating and speaking to them. Nostalgia is a heck of a drug

That’s why Honestly, Nevermind was met with so much excitement. THIS will be the album that gets him back on track. THIS is the album that will shut up the old heads who question his greatness. THIS is the album that proves Drake is the true rap GOAT.

Yeah, well, this album ain’t it, homie.

Honestly, Nevermind feels like a modern reinterpretation of Drake’s R&B era. “I Get Lonely Too,” “Hold On, We’re Going Home” “Passionfruit,” and “Marvins Room”  are among some of his best work. Honestly, Nevermind builds on that by introducing a new generation of fans to house music – and, on the surface, it’s a smart attempt to bring some life into the overly dour, dull and boring VIBEZ of current mainstream music.

So what does Drake do? Make the most BORING house music I’ve ever heard.

“Falling Back” is a downright disastrous first track, drier than 13 sleeves of Saltine crackers. He spends the last two minutes groaning “falling back on meeeeEEEEeeeeEEEEEeeee” like he’s been getting vocal coaching from the literal R&B goat Jacquees.

“Texts Go Green” has a cute title but zero substance. Aubrey just rambles over the beat – no real melody or cadence. He might as well be reading his group chat in the booth while the beat runs in the background.

Actually, that’s exactly what sounds like happened.

Things only get lazier from there. “Calling My Name” and “Sticky” are mindless stream-of-consciousness tracks built around talking vaginas and gooey lady parts – they’re written like what an eight-grade virgin thinks sex is like. “Currents,” which undoubtedly will be known as “the one with the squeaky bed beat,” brings nothing besides the shock value. And Trillville did it WAY BETTER 15 years ago.

What was on a crash course to become the worst Drake album of all time FINALLY takes a much-needed turn for the better about halfway through. While far from great, “Massive”  is the first track that does the house theme justice. The beat pulsates like a heart monitor, finally picking up the pace of the project. Drake does an admirable job keeping up with the track as well.

“Flights Booked” is even better. Although the sample of Floetry’s “Getting Late” feels very inconsequential, the track itself is very addictive.  It’s the perfect summertime groove – something most of the songs here fail miserably at achieving.

Afterward, it’s back to boring business as usual. Tracks like “Overdrive” are clearly designed to be party starters and I don’t know, maybe they get the club jumping at the Raccoon City zombie discotheque, but for those of us with warm blood in our veins, they’re absolutely lifeless.

“Down Hill” seems to only exist so that Instagram influencers have a mediocre new song to set their vacation montages to. And I swear I was flatlining while trying to get through the comatose “Liability” – at least until these ridiculous lines snapped me out of my coma:

 “Judging me lately, banging that gavel on me/friends want to tattle on me/putting words together like you’re getting points for that s***, you playing Scrabble on me.”

The only person who can get away with saying something that ridiculous is Cam’ron. You, sir, are no Killa Cam.

Then, at the very end of the album, Drake tacks on “Jimmy Cooks,” a hyperactive hip-hop track that feels like an apology after making fans sit through nearly an hour of rigor-mortis-inducing music. Big shout out to 21 Savage, who is featured here and continues to be the reigning king of Ignorant Rap, constantly improving with every verse. Drake holds up his end of the bargain, as well, proving that he CAN make good music when he wants to.

Which makes his constant mediocrity infuriating.

This is one of those projects that will be debated for weeks but let’s be clear – there’s absolutely nothing wrong with creating an house/techno-themed project. There will be a segment of fans who reject it simply because it’s not the Drake they’re used to hearing. However, the REAL problem is that it’s just poorly done house music. That, and the fact that 90% of the album sounds like it was recorded in a fish tank.

In fact, Honestly, Nevermind doesn’t feel like cohesive project at all, more like a rushed cry for attention. While rap fans were debating the legacy of Kendrick Lamar’s latest 5-star project, and Beyonce fans began to lose their minds over her impending album, Aubrey feels like the bratty kid on the playground screaming HEY GUYS, LOOK AT ME! while shoving dirt down his throat.

Honestly, Nevermind seems only to exist so that Forever 21 has a new playlist for shoppers to ignore as they pick out new earrings. What’s the point of making a supposed dance album that comes off like background elevator music? But that won’t deter Drake fans, who spent last night tying themselves in knots trying to justify the brilliance of the album, or floating new rumors of ANOTHER new album that’s set to drop later this year.

THAT album, they say, will be the one that proves Drake really is worthy of the crown. Honest this time!

Nostalgia is a heck of a drug.

Now where’s my Ninja Turtles game?

Best tracks: “Jimmy Cooks” and “Flights Booked.” “Massive” was aight I guess.

2 stars out of 5