Love Letters: My Date Is a Stingy Tipper. Is That a Red Flag?

My bad y’all, I can’t believe I haven’t peeked into the Love Letters inbox since SEPTEMBER. Judging by the questions I’ve missed, looks like you’ve spent the past five months getting into all sorts of nonsense.

Let me help y’all out.

Send your inquiries to soulinstereoblog@gmail.com, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

Would it be a deal breaker if a guy takes you out, you saw the bill after the meal but he didn’t know you saw it and it was for $150 and he left a $5 tip?

Dining Drama

See at first I was all ready to Mega Edd and say “so you thought the tip was bad but didn’t throw down a couple of extra dollars yourself? Who really is the cheap one here????” But then our girl DD sent a follow-up message with more clarification:

I recently went on a date with a young man. He received the bill and he didn’t know I saw it. The bill was for $150. He left a $5 tip. The tip is supposed to be 10% of the bill. I feel like he is a cheapskate. I may be a little biased because I worked as a waitress during college and a lot of times service workers live off of tips. I feel like if he couldn’t do the date right he should not have taken me to an expensive restaurant.  When you go to an expensive restaurant you need to be prepared to give your waiter/waitress a proper tip.  Is this a deal breaker?

This gives you a little bit more of a pass. A little.

Tipping has always been this weird thing in our society that drifts between two realms: an unspoken percentage (DD says 10% but I usually do 15%) and as a reward for good service. The older black folks in my family, for instance, ignore the first and only abide by the second. And even then your service has to be ABSOLUTELY FLAWLESS.

Remember that seaweed level on the original Ninja Turtles game?

Imagine making it that dreaded, torturous level without getting zapped by the killer plants ONCE. That’s the only way you’re getting 3 bucks out of my people.

Personally I almost always believe in tipping but, trust, if your service is trash you get nothing from me but used napkins and bread crumbs.

Simply put, tipping is often subjective, which is why we get the awkward situations that DD is describing.

She’s right, service workers are often grossly underpaid and live off those tips – many diners don’t know that. Even though (I’m assuming at least) your date didn’t want you to see the bill, you should have spoken up and said “um, let’s leave a little more.” My wife does that to me occasionally when she thinks I’m being too stingy. But of course in our case that money is coming out of the same bank account, so it’s a little different than your situation.

I don’t NECESSARILY think this is a gigantic red flag and your man is Ebenezer Scrooge though. He might be one of those guys who thinks $5 is a great tip regardless of the meal cost. Can’t front, I was once one of those guys. He may just need a little educating. Also, did you really look at the receipt? Many expensive restaurants include the tip in the final cost, meaning your boy could have tipped AND added that extra 5 bucks on top. He could be a restaurant hero!

As always the case, a quick convo could clear up a lot of the misconceptions here. But if he was intentionally stingy, yeahhhh, that could be a problem.

And if it REALLY bothered you … why didn’t you throw down a couple extra dollars yourself!?

You knew I was gonna get back to that.

Question No. 2:

If someone just filed bankruptcy and is in an unhappy marriage do you think that the bankruptcy would keep them in that marriage for awhile?

KJ

Y’all really are heavy with the money questions today. Well, I guess it is tax time. Once those refund checks come everybody turns into hood Ted DiBiase.

I don’t know the legalities of bankruptcy – I’m just a crabby music guy on the Innanets after all – so I’m not sure if there’s some sort of contractual requirement thing that forces a couple to stay together through the proceedings, though I highly doubt it.

Regardless, staying in an unhappy relationship for any reason – especially money – is a losing proposition.