Love Letters: Why Won’t He Text Me Back?

Good news, Love Letters fans – we’re celebrating #BlogLikeCrazy during the month of November. That means new content on SoulInStereo.com Every. Single. Day.

That also means I’ll be digging into the Love Letters mailbag at least once a week! If you’ve got a burning question that requires guidance, chances are pretty good that I’ll get to it quick, fast and in a hurry.

Here’s how you can submit.

Send your inquiries to soulinstereoblog@gmail.com, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

A girlfriend of mine told me that if a guy doesn’t send you a good morning text he doesn’t care if you woke up. I can’t say I agree with that. What’s your take on it?

DW

Welcome to 2017, where love is determined by getting spammed first thing in the morning.

Ladies, y’all better be glad I’m off the market. A friend of mine was just complaining last week about how it takes me three or four hours to respond to texts sometimes.

Wanna know why?

And back when I WAS dating – before Facebook and dating apps, AKA the Byzantine era – I remember plenty of young ladies getting perturbed when they would call me on a weeknight and I wouldn’t pick up. They always somehow forgot that I worked a 4 p.m. to midnight shift. And to them, not picking up the phone = running around with some other chick.

So sad and insecure.

And I guarantee that’s what’s going on with your friend, DW. We live in a world of constant connectability. Can’t get someone on the phone? Email them. Haven’t gotten a response to that email? Check the last time they tweeted. No tweets? Slide in those IG DMs.

The only way for some folks to stave off relationship insecurities is to CONSTANTLY be in contact with their mate. So they become a slave to their smartphones, constantly staring at that bouncing ellipses in hopes of a text response.

We need to do better.

I’m not saying “good morning” texts are pointless. They certainly can be sweet affirmation of a growing relationship. But words ring hollow playa, it’s about action. Judge your mate by his commitment to you in the real world, not how often he cyberstalks.

I’m on a roll. Who’s next?

I’m going through withdrawals from a guy I know is no good for me. He’s ignorant, plays mind games and doesn’t want a relationship. Yet for some reason he’s all I think about. How do I get this fool out of my system? I constantly want to text him, call him, heck even hit him up on social media! Help!

TW

I know a lot of y’all reading this will just say, SHE STUPID JUST LEAVE HIM.

Give TW a break. She knows she’s in a bad situation and cutting ties isn’t always easy. Y’all should know – don’t act like you’re not still catering to that lame who has been dragging across your doorstep since junior year of high school.

We’ve all been there, TW, no judgment.

But what you need is a positive distraction, something to move you forward and keep you from dwelling on the past. Sometimes it’s as simple as immersing yourself in a new task. Been thinking of starting a blog? Join me in this #BlogLikeCrazy challenge and focus on your writing for the next 30 days. Need some time away? Plan a weekend out with your girls. Got some fitness goals you’ve been ignoring? Get an early start on that summer six-pack now.

But here’s what has always worked best for me – surround yourself with the people you care about. When you’re struggling with a failing relationship – or any life-changing event, really – you tend to ostracize yourself so you can sort out your feelings alone. Sometimes that solidarity breeds loneliness, and thoughts of that garbage ex soon creep back into your brain. But fill that empty space with the great people in your life. They’re your support system.

Sometimes you can’t move forward alone. Go with those who have your back.