Hey Black People, Ben Carson Made a Rap Song Just For You

If you’re Ben Carson, an African-American presidential candidate who has done a piss-poor job of connecting with his own community, what would you do to bridge the gap?

Should you:

A) Encourage frank dialogue about issues facing the community?

B) Make an earnest attempt to connect with young black voters through town halls and other events?

C) Record a hippity-hop song that sounds like the theme to a canceled 90s sitcom?

If you answered C, you too can be a presidential campaign manager.

And you’re also as delusional as Dr. Carson.

First off, the track sounds suspiciously close to the closing theme of The Boondocks. I-RON-NEE. I’m BEGGING creator Aaron McGruder to let Huey and Riley fire back with a response track.

Then a few seconds in we get these heat rocks from MC Ben:

“Vote and support Ben Carrr-son/For our next president, it’ll be awwwe-some.”

Young Thug, Trinidad James, Rich Homie Quan — even the rap game’s worst cretins know that you have to, you know, make your lyrics RHYME.

Come on playa, this ain’t brain surgery.

Ahem.

Those blistering lyrics are then followed by the most BORING collection of soundbites you’ll ever hear. I thought the point of this abomination was to get voters excited about your message, Dr. Ben? If reciting YOUR OWN platform puts you to sleep mid-syllable, why would Drake’s No. 1 fan bother putting on his skinny jeans and Cosby sweater to support you at the polls?

I guess Carson couldn’t land a guest spot on Empire, so this song was the only way he could think to connect with black voters.

Other than, you know, TALKING ABOUT ISSUES RELEVANT TO THEM.

And that’s the most ridiculous part of this whole fiasco — not only is this song insulting to hip-hop (your local car dealer doing the whip/nae nae is more entertaining than this), it’s a slap in the face to black voters — HIS community.

This is a man who has said black folks are mere sheep manipulated by the media, has claimed that Obamacare is “the worst thing since slavery,” and has called Black Lives Matter a “sickening” movement of “bullies.”  Yet if he shucks and jives long enough, he expects black folks to forget all of his damaging propaganda.

Good luck with that, homie.

This song, just like Carson’s political aspirations, are a lost cause.

But in the words of the greatest rapper alive: “Don’t be mad. UPS is hiring.”