Love Letters: The Kid Is Not My Son

Before we begin, you know what grinds my gears? People who say “anyone who spends money on Valentine’s Day is stupid.” If being cheap and criticizing other people helps you sleep at night, live your life, homie.

But in my oh-so-humble opinion, there is nothing wrong with showering the ones you love with extra attention on Feb. 14. Yes, you should show love every day but going above and beyond never hurts, does it?

Anyway, before Cupid starts snipin’ y’all, check out these questions.

Send your inquiries to soulinstereoblog@gmail.com, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

I’m a 25-year-old woman that began dating a wonderful man a year ago. We get along great and have fun together. My one dilemma with him is that he was married before and has a child from his first marriage. Well, he is not his biological son, but he is his former wife’s son from a previous relationship. He is 5 years old and my Boo is the only father he has ever known. My issue is he is constantly with his stepson and I’m concerned that this child will eventually be a problem. We are getting serious and talking about marriage. If we get married and have our own children where are our kids gonna fit in? I’m in a dilemma. Help!

JS

You know, it’s next to impossible to get a Love Letters email in which the guy isn’t being portrayed as Satan’s sidekick. Props to you JS, your dude sounds like a great, selfless guy.

But unfortunately playa, you’re the one who sounds mad selfish right now.

You see, back in my pimpin’ days, I was always very leery of dating women with children. My friends outright told me that that was unfair and selfish.

I disagree. I knew that by starting a relationship with someone who already had a family, that family would become my family by default. And at 19 or 20 years old, I wasn’t ready for a family. I wasn’t being selfish – being selfish would be starting a family when I clearly didn’t want one at the time.

By starting a relationship with your guy, his stepson is now YOUR stepson, whether you like it or not. You ask where your future kids will fit in if you two get married – well, those  kids will fit right into the family you already have.

When people get married, it’s often called “starting a new life together.” It’s more accurate to say that two lives become one. That means his family, his baggage, his struggles, his insecurities, his goals and his triumphs all become yours too.

So you’d better get used to being a stepmom.

And here’s the great thing – dude already has a track record of being a great dad. There’s no reason he wouldn’t also be a excellent father to the children you two have together.

La pregunta número dos:

Is it true that every man has a woman they always run back to? If so why does the woman allow that kind of behavior?

KJ

If every man has a spare woman in the trunk they can roll out when times get tough I missed the memo. Somebody hook me up with an inflatable Kim K, stat.

Yeah I know, she always looks like a balloon animal.

Anyway, NO, every man doesn’t have a backup. The guys who do clearly have no faith in their current relationship and the backups are stupidly opening their door to a known cheater. You’re better off without any of them in your life.

Numéro de la question à trois:

Can a marriage really work if it came via adultery?

2014 Hester Prynne