Love Letters: The Dos and Don’ts of a First Date

Daters, you’ve come to the right place.

That is, unless you’ve come here for a hookup. I don’t engage in virtual pimpin’.

But I can provide sage advice before you head out for that hot date. Just hit me up.

Send your inquiries to soulinstereoblog@gmail.com, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.   

Here’s today’s question:

What are the dos and dont’s for a 1st date?

KJ

Ah, now this is a subject I could ramble on for days about. But for the sake of your attention spans, let’s just look at five dos and five don’ts you should consider before heading out on that big date:

DO be open to date ideas. A date doesn’t always have to be a cliched expensive dinner. Don’t judge your date for suggesting nontraditional ideas. In fact, intimite, inviting settings are your best bets for first dates – they help stimulate conversation. Plus times are hard and dates are expensive. The struggle is real.

DON’T talk about your ex. For the love of all that is holy, PLEASE don’t bring up how awful/great/sexy/dumb/rich/poor your ex-man or woman is. There is a reason that person is an ex, don’t wallow in the past. Plus…

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DO make wise wardrobe choices. Dress to impress, but dress for the date. If you wear those 6-inch (fake) red-bottom heels to the ice-skating rink you deserve to break your neck.

DON’T pre-stalk your boo thang on social media. Once a date has been set up, y’all love to kill time by creeping through your beau’s photo albums and dissecting their social media conversations. It’s like you’re dying for an excuse to call them out for some indiscretion. And I don’t buy that “if they have nothing to hide they shouldn’t be worried” garbage. One date doesn’t give you the green light to be an obsessively paranoid spouse. If you had concerns prior to the date, why did you accept it? Get your life right.

DO seek advice from your friends. As long as that advice is constructive, that is. There’s nothing wrong with getting input from those you trust. Just remember, they aren’t dating your beau, you are. Be your own person.

DON’T ask the person you’re dating to “send you a pic.” Apparently this is a thing now. But so is French Montana and we shouldn’t accept that either. Please curb your thirst.

DO keep the conversation lively. Conversations aren’t one-sided affairs. Don’t sit there and expect your beau to do all the heavy lifting, then judge him/her for not being a thespian. Add to the conversation.

DON’T go overboard on alcohol. Nobody likes a sloppy drunk. Keep it in check, especially on the first night.

DO have fun. This is a date, not a job interview. You should spend more time enjoying yourself and less analyzing every little detail in search of a fatal flaw. And if things do go well…

DON’T jump to conclusions. It’s just one date, people. Don’t start picking out wedding colors yet. The date could be a precursor to a lifetime of happiness or a weeklong fling. Keep and open mind and do what’s best for you, whether that’s Date No. 2 or Facebook friend deletion.

What else y’all got?

If someone doesn’t have a good track record with relationships and they show interest, should you give them a chance? And if you do how do you trust them?

KJ

Did my Cousin Chris Brown ask for your number?

It’s no question that a key rule of dating is to protect your own heart. If you don’t do it, who else will? Therefore, you have every right to be uneasy if a known playboy (or girl) starts trying to run game.

But it’s unfair to totally hold someone’s past against them.

We’ve all made mistakes. How lonely would we be if we were ostracized for our past indiscretions? Everyone deserves a clean slate and to be judged on current merits.

If you really have strong concerns about dating that guy or girl with a shoddy reputation, just don’t go down that road. But if they’ve truly seemed to have changed their ways, give ’em a chance.

Besides, I’m sure someone gave you another chance at some point, right?