Love Letters: Being Friends With Baby Mommas n’ Daddies

In the mood for love? Before you get in too deep – word to Omar Epps (not Mekhi Phifer, Kanye, ugh…) – you might want to holla at me. Here’s how.

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Here’s today’s question:

Can baby mommas and baby daddys realistically be friends with the new person in their lives?

KJ

Sigh, sometimes I think we’ll see North Korean officials at a White House cookout before we see the end of baby momma/baby daddy drama.

In case you’re confused, here’s what KJ is asking. Think of it as a ghetto word problem:

Mary Jenkins lives with her daughter Brenda. Brenda’s dad, Lester, is dating Saaaaaaandra Clark. Can Mary be friends with Saaaaaaaaaandra?

Of course she can be, but she’s not obligated to be.

Parents need to realize that whether they’re together or not, they’ll ALWAYS be involved in each other’s lives, thanks to that bundle of joy they conceived. I’m sure it’s hard for them to see their ex with someone else and while they don’t have to fawn all over this person, they are obligated to respect him or her.

Of course, if you worry that your ex’s mate is somehow harming the child, you have the right to talk to your ex (not his/her new boo thang) about the problems. The emphasis should be put on the child, not the new person. For example: “Can we talk about Saaaaaandra? She dresses Brenda in tight dresses and makes her walk funny. It could be a problem” works much better than “KEEP THAT HUSSY AWAY FROM MY CHILD!’

It’s not easily, especially if there are lingering trust issues between the baby mommas n’ daddies, but for the sake of the child, you have to speak up and be civil.

Thank the Lord I never had kids with those psychopaths I once dated. But if I had, I’d encourage a friendship between her and my wife. If that didn’t work (and I’m sure it wouldn’t) it’s fine as long as they respect each other. The child shouldn’t be a pawn in the mind games of grown folks.

What else y’all got for me this week?

Why does society focus on no-good men when there are also PLENTY of low life women out here also?

KJ

Let me quote the great philosopher Andre 3000:

“N*ggaz all dogs? If n*ggaz all dogs, what you call broads? Felines in heat, meowing for some yarn balls?”

The “all men are dogz” trope is just a convenient way to tie every bad thing man has or will do into a neat stereotypical package. If all men are dogs, all women are gold diggers, all African Americans are thieves, all Christians are judgmental and all Republicans are closed-minded and power hungry.

Judge a man by his own worth. Y’all know there are plenty of men and women I criticize and it’s because they deserved it. Stop using blanket terms to describe entire ethnicity or genders.

Call me a dog if you want. All dogs go to heaven, haters.