Beyonce’s “Satanic” Super Bowl Vid: Don’t Believe The Hype

Would you mind if I take you to church for a bit?

If you’re a hip-hop fan, I’m sure you’ve heard at least a passing mention of The Illuminati, the ancient secret society of very bad people who are attempting to corrupt the world to in an effort to … I don’t know, embezzle one million dollas or something. These guys are so evil that they masterminded the death of Michael Jackson and took out 2Pac, who was the only person in the music industry who dared to speak out against them.

Anyway, in order to enact their master plan for world domination, they’re targeting our impressionable youth through rap music. Jay-Z, Kanye West and Drake are among the rappers who literally sold their souls to the devil for fame. They’re now using Illuminati imagery in their songs to brainwash us all into submission. Or so I’m told.

Go ahead and add Beyonce to the list of entertainers who will usher in the age of the antichrist. Allegedly.

GoodFight Ministries, a non-profit group that has been preaching against the evils in music for awhile now, recently produced a video dissecting Bey’s Super Bowl performance, pointing out all the hellfire and brimstone within.

Sigh.

Look, I’m not saying that secular music is holy. Even Beyonce, who usually tries pretty hard to be positive, can drop some stupid songs that do more harm than good. No, I won’t pay your bills so I guess we can’t chill. But GoodFight’s video does nothing but make Christians look like naive, paranoid conspiracy theorists.

I ain’t havin’ that.

Here are a few choice accusations the video makes:

Beyonce’s stage alter-ego Sasha Fierce is actually a demon who controls her body and makes her dance crazy. Performing music is no different than any other stage art; the woman is just getting into character. Bey’s pretty reserved in real life, no one is paying for $400 tickets to watch her stand on the stage and mumble to herself. She has to get worked up. It’s her character. But I guess all actors are really possessed by demons. Scandal fans, watch out for Kerry Washington’s Olivia Pope demon. She’ll crisis manage you to death!

Beyonce often throws up Jay-Z’s “Roc” sign, which is basically like giving Satan a high-five. So I guess every member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority on Earth has been giving props to the devil all these years. Someone owes y’all Illuminati royalty checks.

The “faces” on the stage during Bey’s performance depict twin gods of pestilence. Or something. Y’all are really reaching now. I’m sure no one on Bey’s team even knows what the word “pestilence” means. I’m just saying.

I’ll give GoodFight the benefit of the doubt and not claim their videos are shameless self-promotion to push their agenda. They probably really are trying to enlighten. But if they think they can scare people toward God with vague images and overanalized footage, they need to visit my Bible study class.

GoodFight is right, there’s lots of shady stuff going on right under our noses. But calm down. The Bible preaches about this thing called “discernment,” or in other words, “using your own judgement.” In other words, if you really know the Bible, you can sniff out the fishy stuff pretty easily (like when that old guy claimed the world was gonna end a few years back). There is no need to chop up video footage, examine it with the Hubble telescope and jump to wild conclusions about who might be dancin’ with the devil in the pale moonlight. Remember that episode of The Simpsons where the shady TV producer chopped up footage to make Homer look like a sexual predator? It’s pretty easy to paint a bad portrait of your enemies.

Yeah, the Bible preaches about bad stuff happening at the end of days, but it also warns against morons spreading confusion and fear. GoodFight, watch what team you’re playing for.

Discernment is about studying for yourself and making informed decisions, with a little spiritual guidance, of course. It’s not about believing everything a disembodied voice tells you on the Interwebz.

People, instead of getting your religion from freaking YouTube, head to the Bible, use a healthy dose of discernment and get true guidance.

And please don’t believe everything you read on the Internet.

Unless you read it here, of course.

CHUUUCH.