Love Letters: Why Do Women Get the Blame?

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Happy New Year!

I’m usually not big on New Year’s resolutions. Why wait till January to get your act together? You can start today with these simple steps.

Step One: Ask me to get your love life right.

Step Two: Follow my advice.

Step Three: Happiness.

Enough with the infomerical. Here’s how you can contact me.

Send your inquiries to edward@soulinstereo.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.

Here’s today’s question:

Why is it that in our society when a marriage is broken up due to an affair the woman is blamed so harshly for the situation and the man isn’t when it takes two for the mess?

KJ

KJ, are you really Alicia Keys? Cuz I know she can relate.

A couple of years ago, forgotten R&B star Mashonda aired her dirty laundry, claiming that Alicia was running around with her husband, insufferable producer Swizz Beatz. Alicia claimed Mashonda and Swizz were separated by the time they hooked up but that didn’t stop fans (mostly female, judging by my own social media feeds) from calling Alicia a filthy homewrecker and vowing to never purchase her music again.

Of course, they made no mention of boycotting this foolishness:

But that’s society for you. You know the story: Man sleeps around, he’s a pimp, a mack, a role model for young men. Woman sleeps around, she’s a two-bit, trashy garden tool.

It sucks, and it’s not much we can do about it except not fall into the trap ourselves.

Before you pass judgement or the next person, or even before you start absolving people from blame, place yourself in their shoes. There’s always two sides to every story and it’s VERY rare that someone is totally blameless in a bad decision.

The gender trap is so ingrained in our psyches that we don’t even realize when we’re falling into it. Wrong is wrong is Nicki Minaj is wrong – think things through before passing judgement or letting folks slide. Genetic makeup doesn’t excuse people from stupidity.