Love Letters: Just Like His Ex

Time for another stroll down lover’s lane. Do you have a question about your mate that’s keeping you up at night? I probably have an answer.

Of course I have the answer! Modesty ain’t my thing.

Send your inquiries to edward@soulinstereo.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

If a man always says that he’s rubbed the wrong way when you do things like his ex, is it safe to say that he isn’t over her or that he has psychological issues from that relationship?

WW

Hmmm. Let me sit back in my chair, place my fingertips together and ponder this question as only Professor Charles Xavier could.Let’s be real – it’s not uncommon to leave past relationships with a little baggage. I mean, if your guy’s last relationship was perfect, he wouldn’t have moved on. And it’s possible that he moved on to a woman that is somewhat similar to his ex, maybe in looks, personality, beliefs – good and bad. Depending on how fresh that breakup is, or how scarred your dude is from it, it’s probably pretty easy to open old wounds – especially if his new lady has traits similar to the old lady.

But since I can’t read minds like Professor X, I can’t say for sure if your guy is still hung up on his ex or if he needs to be checked into a rubber room. But with a little communication and common sense, you can probably unravel the mystery on your own. No mutant powers necessary.

The next time your dude compares you to his no-good ex, evaluate the situation. Is it during a heated moment like an argument? Does he have a problem with the way you dress or carry yourself? Or does he randomly yell “You eat your Lunchables with one cracker instead of two like my EX!” If that’s the case, smack him in the face with that rancid Capri Sun they always put in the Lunchables pack.

Seriously, the next time he rants, ask him what exactly you’re doing that bothers him. If he’s comparing one of your negative traits to that of his ex (yes, we all have negative traits, nobody’s perfect), that might be a wake-up call for you. If those traits were bad enough for him to end the first relationship, I’m sure he’ll have no qualms ending the current one.

However, if his complaints are more cosmetic (You wear your hair like my ex! My ex wore that perfume!) that’s a red flag. If your guy equates frivolous things with his ex and can’t get past them to see the real you, then yeah he’s got  issues.

Get your guy to open up and find out what’s at the root of his displeasure. If he wants you to quit making the same mistakes as his ex, that’s one thing. But if he’s trying to change who you are, maybe your man is the problem in all those troubled relationships.