Love Letters: Keepin’ It In the Family

Folks, it’s tax season. Before you blow your refund check on some guy’s rims, you might want to check in with us first.

Send your inquiries to edward@soulinstereo.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

Is it cool to date a good friend’s family member? Say a brother, sister or cousin, etc?

DW

Wow, between this question and the one about dating a friend’s ex, y’all like to keep things in the family, huh? And just like my answer to the question about cozing up with your buddy’s leftovers, I do think things can work if the situation is handled with care.

1. Get the blessing of your friend. Before you make a pass at lil’ brother, you’d better let your friend know first. If your friend is not cool with you dating his/her sibling, drop it then and there. The friendship must come first, and disregarding your friend’s wishes puts that friendship in jeopardy.

2. No time for games. If you’re gonna handle this admittedly sticky situation, you gotta keep your hands clean. If you have no intentions of exploring a real relationship and you’re just in it for cheap thrills, move on. Same goes for the sibling – if he’s just looking for a good time, bizounce. And don’t forget, there’s a third party here – the friend. Even if you and the sibling are cool with random hookups, that probably won’t go over well with the friend. If you’re just looking for a “cuddy buddy,” “boo thang,” or whatever it is the kids are calling “friends with benefits” these days, avoid the situation entirely.

3. Don’t blur the friendship lines. Now I know I just said in Point #1 that you should get your friend’s approval before making a move on his/her brother, but that doesn’t mean the friend is is obligated to know all your business. As with any relationship, friends are great for encouragement and support, but they don’t need to know every single detail that’s going on. More often than not, your friend will feel obligated to pry into your relationship with the sibling. It’s natural – everyone wants to look out for their brothers and sisters. But don’t let your friend become a meddling in-law. Likewise, don’t use your friend as a spy when you get insecure about your potential beau. Trust me, the phrase “girl, just keep an eye on him” can cause more problems than it’s worth.

For the record, I’m strongly against dating a friend’s family member. The likelihood for drama is just too great. However, if you can abide by the tips I outlined above, you could have a fighting chance. But before you pick up lil’ brother for that hot date at Chuck E. Cheese, remember if things go sour, your friendship could be permanently damaged.