15 Things Black Girls Love to Do on Facebook

December 9, 2011Edward Bowserrace matters, social media8

Inspired by 15 Things White Girls Love to Do on Facebook, a blog post by Mary of Fibromy-Awesome that went viral this week, Edd and I decided to create a list of our own. We present 15 Things Black Girls Love to Do on Facebook:

1. Invent middle names that declare their mantra of the moment such as Keisha blessedandbeautiful Johnson or T’Andrea OhSoClassssssy Washington.

2. Complain about their enemies without actually naming the person, knowing that the offender will read the status: “It’s sad how some people are SO PETTY and can’t mind their OWN BUSINESS. I’m gonna pray for them because they need Jesus.”

3. Transform into social media ministers by posting bible verses or just making up inspirational quotes. “Men are like a box of Goobers. They seem sweet at first but they’re really just a bunch of nuts.”

4. Use their Facebook status updates to yell at the stars of Real Housewives of Atlanta, Basketball Wives and Love & Hip Hop. (You know NeNe can’t “hear” you, right?)

5. Post pictures of their Big Chop and other photos to document their “natural hair journey.” (White girls, if you’re confused go ask your black girlfriends what Big Chop means.)

6. To show off their new hairstyle, they take a picture in front of the bathroom mirror, with the door frame and toilet in the shot.

7. Stalk ex boyfriends. This is called “watching your back.”

8. Stalk current boyfriends. This is called “research.”

9. Declare there are no good men left anywhere on the planet Earth.

10. Pretend to be in relationships with celebrities. “Did you see my husband Kobe out there?” “About to watch my boo Idris in this new movie…”

11. Ask for help with such life-changing decisions as “Should I cook Oodles of Noodles or Hamburger Helper for dinner?”

12. Make a statement like “I’m SO pissed right now!” to get sympathy in comments, but when people ask what’s wrong they refuse to explain.

13. Providing play-by-play for every menial task on their to-do list: “Today I have to go to the bank, then go do this laundry, and pick up some bobby pins from Walgreens…”

14. Announce they need a “new start” and therefore will be deleting dozens of Facebook friends.

15. Complain that they don’t understand “that Twitter thing” and will never EVER use it.

Edd, who has LOTS of female friends (I’m a very trusting wife), had to help me with most of these because, ironically, I hardly do anything on this list. However, I do several of the things on Mary’s list. Growing up, kids would make fun of me and say I “act like a white girl.” Does this mean they were right?

Well, if you visit my Facebook page you’ll mostly see Foursquare check-ins for Walgreens (where I’m buying Goobers, bobby pins, and natural hair products), a local running trail (where I’m meeting my running group Black Girls RUN), and quotes from my favorite Web show “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl.” So there! I am black!