Love Letters:From Booty Call to Bride

We’re back! If there’s a question that’s keeping you up at night, pass it along.


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Here’s today’s question:

Can a serious relationship take place after things started off as a booty call?


Ready to get serious, KJ

We’ve all been told how important first impressions are. If the first impression you make is face down on somebody’s couch, you’ve got a lot of work to do if you seek a serious relationship.


From job interviews to family barbecues, our initial interactions with people will set the tone for future encounters. Make a great impression and you’re off on the right foot. Screw things up and it will be tough to be taken seriously later on.


Starting a relationship with carefree sex will only set the tone for, duh, more carefree sex. I believe it is possible to make a 180 and head toward a more serious relationship but it ain’t easy.


First (and this is probably the toughest obstacle) – your partner has to want to get serious. I know YOU might want a serious relationship but does your guy? Don’t assume because he’s been spending the night for months that he wants to take things to another level. Some guys love to keep a good thing going – if you started out as a booty call, he’s gonna milk that for all it’s worth. Ahem. And honestly, it’s not fair to expect him to want more if you’re just being an enabler.


Have a conversation (yes, THAT word again). Find out what he really wants. If he plans to keep things as-is and you’re ready for something deeper, move on without him. Don’t keep giving up the goods with hopes that one day he’ll magically get the urge to walk the aisle. It ain’t happening.


If your dude is ready to take things in a serious direction, cool, but the relationship has to evolve and it will take effort from both parties. You both have to beyond the physical stuff. Spend time with each other on real dates, not “we’re just killing time till we have sex” dates.


Speaking from experience, it’s tough to move a man when he’s comfortable (just ask the wifey, who has to drag me off the couch to bed every night). If you want a serious relationship, speak up now and take firm steps to make it happen. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to reach the next level.