Love Letters: When Friendship Goes Too Far

Good lord, it’s hot outside and it’s not yet officially summer. But before you run off to find your summer crush, make sure he or she measures up to Love Letter’s high standards.




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Here’s today’s question:

I have a friend who is in love with me and has a girlfriend. I don’t want him as a man (or beau), I just want to be treated like a friend.  As a woman, I can’t help but feel disrespected by his indirect (and sometimes direct) behavior towards me. He knows I’m not the type to accept anything less than what I deserve, but he’s too stupid to see that his behavior (in the past and even now) is not helping his case.  I’m to the point where I don’t feel comfortable hanging around him and I’m ready to address the disrespect. How can I help him buy a clue?




I know he’s wrong on so many levels

Your signature is the most appropriate one I’ve seen in months – this guy who is harassing you is so wrong on so many levels.


First, dude is a cheater. I have to applaud you for not fawning over this guy just because he’s all in your face – so many of us lose ourselves when we get a little attention. Your first sentence, I have a friend who is in love with me and has a girlfriend, tells me this fool has commitment issues and that trying to start a relationship with him isn’t a wise move. You already know he’s unfaithful.


Second, no one likes an overbearing beau. Both men and women hate when when potential mates are too clingy and aggressive. I can only assume that this guy thinks you’ll find his heavy-handed flirting humorous. Joke’s on him – being annoying is only pushing you away. And he seems to be too immature to realize that.


And third, he’s disrespecting your friendship with his pitiful pimpin’. It seems like you want to salvage the friendship, but honestly, don’t get your hopes up.


I have probably shared this story before, but it’s worth repeating: During my early days in Louisville, Ky., I had a female friend who made it very clear that she wanted to be more than friends. My future wife was in school in California at the time and ol’ girl would occasionally make snide comments about how I should dump Javacia and get with her. I often ignored her remarks because I was new to the area, I didn’t have very many friends at that time and I didn’t want to run off one of the few friends I had. After one particular night of Javacia bashing, I told ol’ girl that she either had to accept Javacia as my girlfriend or lose my friendship. That would be the last night I talked to the girl.


I wish we could have remained friends, but what I thought was a platonic friendship was likely just a front for ol’ girl to win me over. Your situation sounds very similar. Just as I did, give this guy an ultimatum – end the lame flirting or lose a friend. If he values your friendship, he’ll shape up. If he refuses to stop flirting, cut him loose.


As ridiculous as this guy sounds, I don’t think losing him will be a big loss.