Love Letters: Door #1 or Door #2

You guys and gals must be enjoying fairy-tale romances lately – the Love Letters question bin has been as quiet as a church mouse.


While half of you consult Google to find out if church mice really exist, the rest of us will proceed.


Send your inquiries to edward@soulinstereo.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

Should women lower their standards and be with a man who doesn’t suit their standards but there is a genuine attraction or should we be with a man who has it going on and try to make it work even though there may be no chemistry?




Choosey Lover

Coincidentally I have a friend currently dealing with this very scenario – she’s really attracted to the moronic Guy #1, but knows she should be with Guy #2, a great guy who really likes her but she just doesn’t feel a connection.


Five words into the reader’s question and we hit a serious problem. Never, EVER lower your standards. Why consider a future with someone when you see drama before the relationship even begins? Would you buy a car with three wheels? Get on a plane with one wing? Download a Lil B album? There’s no need to set yourself up for disaster just because the offer is tempting.


Take it from me – I once dated a girl who I knew was no good but I did anyway because, well, she was fine. She looked like destitute 90s R&B star Mona Lisa:

Oh lord!


Yeah, those looks didn’t get her far when she was fired from her job for stealing merchandise. Of course she denied it, but the week before she had offered to swipe me a pair of jeans! I know I’m being an Internet informant and rapidly losing street cred – what’s the statute of limitations on snitching?


But I digress. What about Guy #2, the person who is doing well for himself but there is little attraction? Again, exploring that relationship could be a dangerous game. A lack of attraction can lead to wandering eyes and a cheating heart. It’s not fair to put Guy #2 through that. I will say, however, that if this lack of attraction is purely physical, give the guy a chance. Get to know him a bit better and maybe he’ll win you over with his charm and personality. Those pretty features won’t last forever anyway – word to Whitney Houston. But don’t hang around too long – if there is no spark; don’t lead him on.


In this case, I can’t endorse Guy #1 or #2. There are guys out there who embody both of their positive attributes. Just be patient and you’ll find them.