Edd’s MANtra: Moody Mondays

It’s the day after Halloween, and as my grandma would say, “these kids sho’ got the devil in ’em.”

I was greeted this morning by not one, but two diss songs targeting your favorite artists. Nothing like starting your day to a bunch of back-biting rappers.

First, Nicki Minaj treated us to another choice track from her sure-to-be-disastrous debut album Pink Friday. On “Roman’s Revenge,” Icky Nicki finally, and quite aggressively, goes after her predecessor Lil Kim. We’ve documented the Kim/Nicki spat before. I guess there’s only room for one wig wearing, surgically enhanced female rapper.

Nicki sounds pretty stupid here – well, more stupid than usual. She’s spent the past few months claiming that she (blatantly) swiped Kim’s gimmick in an attempt to pay homage to her. Now she says she’s Kim’s replacement – “Hang it up, flat screen, plasma.” Uh huh. It’s kinda premature for someone who hasn’t even released an album to call a proven artist a has-been. I’d rather be a has-been than a never-was.

Eminem’s on the track too and stays out of the catfight, and despite a few choice lines (“I swear to God I’ll piss a Happy Meal off” – ha!) he gets lost in Nicki’s asinine ad-libs. Coincidentally, the track is exactly like both Nicki and Kim’s wardrobes – a disheveled mess.

Remember a month or so ago Hammer resurfaced, vowing to teach that young whippersnapper Jay-Z a lesson? Well, he kept his word.

Although “Better Run Run” sounds like the title of a Juvenile song circa 1999, this abomination actually sounds more like a Lil Jon song circa 2004. I can’t decide which is worse.

The video is just Hammer dancing around like Ciara while some guy – wearing the cheesiest devil costume I’ve ever seen – chases “Jay-Z,” who looks more like Scarface than Jay. I had no desire to see that guy’s man-boobs sway in the breeze. Hammer drops a handful of verses, then just repeats the brain-dead hook over and over. And over. AND OVER.

Hammer’s point is that Jay is one of those no-good Illuminatiz, selling his soul to the devil for fame. I’m not sure if it was wise to convey that point while dancing around to 6-year-old club music, but hey, I don’t possess Hammer’s musical genius. Nor do I posses his amazing wealth.

But at this point, neither does Hammer. Oops.

Two diss songs, two complete duds. Can’t we all just get along?