Single Black Female

Everybody’s talking about the single black female. 


The questions of why so many black women have never been married has long been the subject of articles in magazines like Essence and Ebony, but lately even mainstream media have jumped on the bandwagon. 


Statistics show that 42 percent of U.S. black women have never been married, which is twice the number of white women who haven’t been hitched. 


A recent ABC News story examined why this is the case. For starters, the story states, if a black woman has hopes of marrying a black man, the odds are against her since there are 1.8 million more black women than black men. Furthermore, if you take take 100 black men and eliminate those without a high school diploma (21 percent), the unemployed (17 percent) and those ages 25-34 who are incarcerated (8 percent); you have only half of black men, 54 percent, whom many black women find acceptable.


Comedian Steve Harvey, a self-proclaimed expert on men, weighed in and suggested that perhaps black women have unrealistic standards or expectations. And one woman interviewed for the story added that black women willing to date outside of their race are still at a disadvantage because dating black women is still taboo. We’re not as coveted as black men in society, she said, and non-black men aren’t ready to take us home to see momma.


Frankly, I’m tired of reading these stories. Some of them paint black women as desperate, when I would argue that is certainly not the case for most, others perpetuate the idea that black men are no good, and all of these stories imply that snagging a man should be a woman’s ultimate goal, that she simply can’t find happiness until he puts a ring on it. 


I’m sure you thinking, “Um, but you have a husband,” and honestly I’ve refrained from writing about this topic because a part of me feels it’s not my place to speak on the subject since I am married. But because I’ve tied the knot I believe this gives me a more well-rounded perspective on the matter. Yes, I am married. I love having a partner in life and I absolutely adore my husband. Edd adds much to my life, but my life was happy and full long before my walk down the aisle. And if he leaves me for Kim Kardashian tomorrow I won’t suddenly become half of who I am. I will still be a Hello Kitty-loving, essay-writing feminist fashionista eating brunch, Mexican food and pizza with her best friends whenever she gets the chance. 


Nonetheless, it would be obtuse and insensitive of me to deny that finding a husband is a huge concern for many of my sisters. To ignore this would make me a bad feminist. So even though I think this topic is worn, I am interested in the upcoming book Bitch Is the New Black, a memoir by Helena Andrews, and the Shonda Rimes-produced film based on the book that’s in the works.


Andrews was profiled in The Washington Post last month and in the article her book was described as “a satirical look at successful young black women living in Washington.” It offers a collection of essays which delve into the lives of young black women who have the looks, the Ivy League degrees, the high-paying jobs, the Carrie Bradshaw wardrobes and the coveted condos, but are still lonely. 


Though the article on Andrews was well-written, it didn’t really break new ground on the subject of the single black female, at least not for those of us who’ve read this story dozens of times already in black magazines. But I was happy to hear in the video that accompanied the story (posted below) that Andrews, and perhaps other women in the book, questions the idea that young professional women should all be in search of an MRS to go with their PhD. 


Even if the book disappoints, I have high hopes the film will not. I’m confident that Rhimes, the mastermind behind Grey’s Anatomy, will use her brilliance to present this topic in a fresh and enlightening way, at least that’s what I’m banking on when I shell out nine bucks for it.