Edd’s MANtra: 28 Things About the Birthday Girl

It’s no secret that I don’t frequent Facebook very much. Why would I? There is nothing to do. Look, if my friends want to give me a round of drinks they can meet me at one of my spots downtown.

I like my Shirley Temples ice cold, by the way. Just for future reference.

Well anyway, there’s this thing going around on Facebook where you post 25 or 30 things about yourself. I participated, mainly because I was procrastinating at work (sorta like I’m doing now) and also because it was something that was actually – gasp – interesting on Facebook.

On the other hand, I was pretty salty because well before that survey I had prepared this posting to celebrate the 28th birthday of the lovely head mistress of Georgia Mae. But because of the popularity of that stupid Facebook survey, everyone will think that I just stole the idea for this blog.

For the record, let it be known that Facebook stole this idea from ME.

Anyway, as the wife marks 28 years, I’m going to unveil 28 little-known facts about her. Read it, enjoy, and wish her well. We accept cash donations.

I’ll need them after she kicks me out of the house for writing this.

1. Javacia says “dude” and “seriously” approximately 85 times an hour. It’s like living with the guy from Wayne’s World.

2. She pokes my stomach like the Pillsbury Doughboy. It’s nowhere near as sexy as it sounds.

3. Javacia and her brother are extremely loving and NEVER fight. Which means they’re really not related.

4. She has had three last names. Which makes me think she’s been divorced twice.

5. Javacia has won writing awards and has had many of her writings and poems published.

6. Jai finds the oddest people attractive – Anderson Cooper from CNN, the little boy from the Transformers movie, even Kumar from Harold and Kumar could get the digits.

7. If you value your life, don’t ask her if her hair is real. (It is, by the way.)

8. And while you’re at it, never ask what her ethnicity is.

9. She is unselfish to a fault.

10. Jai likes to scream “MORTAL KOMBAAAAAAAAAT” for reasons that even I don’t understand.

11. She’ll probably name her first daughter Hello Kitty.

12. Jai once was a huge fan of Janet Jackson. Not anymore.

13. She dearly loves her grandmother, who is no longer with us. The name of this site is dedicated to her memory.

14. Every time Javacia uses an ink pen in our house, she throws it in her purse. She does this until there are no pens in the house. A couple of weeks ago I found TEN pens in one of her purses.

15. She’s obsessed with bags. Not the expensive kind, thankfully.

16. Jai once told me she used to think she looked like Rowlf from The Muppet Babies. I think she’s selling herself short, she looks more like Skeeter.

17. She nearly killed me once when I thought one of her unopened tampons was a fruit rollup. Why do they give them such tasty looking wrappers?

18. One of my family members STILL calls her Jayla, even though she has been corrected hundreds of times.

19. She has more aunts and uncles and cousins than could be considered humanly possible.

20. One night, during her graduate studies in California, some dude tried to flirt with her. At that very moment, I just happened to call her. She freaked out, ran away from dude and her friend was like “your man felt something WRONG in the UN-I-VERSE!”

21. She is an awesome interpretive dancer.

22. Javacia went to Canada a few years ago but I couldn’t join her. Stupid work.

23. She likes the nastiest of candies – Cadbury cream eggs, candy corn, Peeps, yuck. Who eats Peeps? They’re like chewing on my mom’s hair rollers.

24. I think she still has R&B relic Ginuwine’s number in her phone. Don’t ask.

25. Javacia freaks out in cold weather. And by “cold” I mean anything less than 75 degrees.

26. She loves action movies and thrillers, which spares me from seeing most dumb chick flicks.

27. Don’t be fooled by her girly demeanor, for the ghetto lurks within her soul. In her youth, she was known for kicking the crap out of dudes regularly.

28. She gets that from her momma, who keeps a baseball bat (her “Iraq bat”) with her at all times. Now that’s hood.

Happy birthday!