One Little Word

On Friday morning many Americans woke up before dawn, fixed themselves a cup of tea, and plopped in front of their televisions to watch and Kate Middleton and Prince William get hitched. I was not in that number. In fact, when I woke up Friday I had all but forgotten that it was the day the “fairytale” would come true. My mind was still on the storms that wreaked havoc on my sweet home Alabama. 


But when I logged onto Twitter and nearly every post by nearly every friend was followed by #royalwedding, I decided I’d check out a bit of the Brits’ big day. I admit I enjoyed seeing Kate exit the Rolls Royce. Considering that “covered arms” restriction, I thought she made a good choice with her dress. And as a woman who is happily married, I always like seeing a woman take that walk down the aisle as it reminds me of the day I said “I do” to the love of my life. But to be frank, the wedding was a snooze fest. Even Kate looked bored. 


In an effort to not be a wet blanket, I tried to refrain from blogging about it. You know, your mama always said if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything. 


I decided to write anyway, however, because I did find it interesting that Kate decided not to take the vow to “obey” her  Prince Charming. Could the Duchess of Cambridge be a feminist? Who knows? She is related to one of Britain’s foremost social theorists and early feminist pioneers, Harriet Martineau, but that’s hardly a reason to send her a gift subscription to Ms. magazine. 


In a recent article for the Guardian, feminist writer Samhita Mukhopadhyay asked if changing one word really matters, “in the face of the cultural institution that is the British monarchy and the symbolism of the royal wedding as all things antiquated and traditional about marriage.”


Her conclusion:

Sadly, no. First off, the vows Middleton is progressively editing are ancient. Even the church dropped “obey” from their vows almost 100 years ago, in 1922. …. Until the larger political and economic implications of marriage shift, the small personal changes, while personally meaningful, are a drop in the bucket…. Middleton’s modernity is not going to come from the absence of one little word, even one as loaded as “obey”. It will only come from the ways in which she transforms the institution of royal marriage, not to mention what she does with her newfound power and influence. 

While I agree simply changing one word won’t change the world, I am a firm believer in the saying, “The personal is political.” I do believe small personal changes can have a big impact. I have a wonderful, egalitarian marriage and by writing about it my goal is to show other women that they can and should have the same. Let’s just hope the new Duchess of Cambridge decides to demonstrate this in her marriage, too. Having a spouse who truly respects you as a person should not be considered a fairytale.