Love Letters: Should Couples Live Together Before They Marry?

Man, the questions just keep on coming. So I’ll keep on answering.

Remember, don’t send me hate mail if I haven’t gotten to your inquiry yet. Your day of reckoning will soon be at hand, trust me.

And if you haven’t dropped me a line yet, here’s all you need to know.

Send your inquiries to soulinstereoblog@gmail.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.   

Here’s today’s question:

Do you think couples should live together before they marry? Why or why not?

KJ

Now y’all know I’m a pretty traditional brother, so I’m not generally a fan of living together before marriage. But don’t worry, I won’t turn into Sister Deacon Mary-Francis Johnson and start screaming about the evils of shacking up. Instead, I’ll use the wifey and I as an example.

As many of you know, from 2003 to late 2005 we were in a long-distance relationship. And not that fake long-distance stuff some of y’all complain about, where you boo thang lives 45 minutes away and you see each other every weekend. I was in Louisville, Ky., she was in Berkeley, Calif. We went months without seeing each other. Our relationship was confined to cell phones but that didn’t stop love from blooming. By the time she graduated and moved to Ky, everyone pretty much knew marriage was in the cards.

That’s why many of our friends were shocked when she got her own place instead of moving in with me.

Even though we were in a committed relationship, it was important that she live her own life before jumping into an eternal union.

Look, some of y’all meet someone with “potential,” rush into living together and after realizing things aren’t going to work you’re stuck with your name on someone else’s lease. Slow down, playa.

I know the thought is that if you live together first, you can work out any kinks before marriage. That’s not necessarily true. If you wanna know if you girl is a slob, just go to her place. If it looks like crap, then you know she ain’t fond of cleaning. Worried about your man’s finances? You don’t need to share a lease with him to know that (and why would you want to?). Most of questions can be answered in the dating process – putting yourself under the same roof prematurely could cause all kinds of problems.

If you wanna move in with your partner, do your thing, I won’t judge. There’s always exceptions to the rules and I’m not saying you’re doomed to fail. But just remember, marriage means you’re gonna be living with this person for the rest of your life anyway. Why rush?

For those of you who haven’t turned off your computers in disgust, here’s a hidden bonus track:

Are you opposed to women dating ex-felons?

DW

I often run these questions by the wifey just to see her response. When I shared DW’s question, the wifey hit me with one of those Darth Vader NO’s.

I’m a bit more forgiving. If that man did his time and paid his debt to society, why should he be punished forever? I personally know quite a few brothers who served some time and they came out better men. Well, most of them, anyway.

I know a lot of women who prefer so-called “reformed thugs” – just make sure that word “reformed” is emphasized.  If the brother starts slipping back into his old ways, you better exit ASAP.

Lord, I sure hope you didn’t move in with him.

But everyone deserves a second chance. Don’t miss out on a good guy because of past mistakes. It’s not like any of us are angels, anyway.