20 Questions: The 2009 BET Awards

I didn’t plan to watch the BET Awards. In fact, if not for that annoying ad on the right side of my Facebook page I wouldn’t have known they were airing.

But in the light of Michael Jackson’s untimely passing, I felt obligated to sit through 4 hours of painful performances. Thankfully, the show was pretty entertaining year, thanks to the MJ tributes and BET’s inescapable ghettoness.

So, for the benefit of those who watched “True Blood” on HBO instead (which is likely all of you) here is 20 questions: the BET Awards edition.

(Yeah, yeah I stole this from the wifey’s VMA post she published last year on her Velocity blog. But we’re married so she can’t sue.)

1. The Baby Boy reunion was cool, but where was Snoop? He was obviously there, he pointlessly slid on stage during Jamie Foxx’s performance. It was like he got lost looking for the bathroom.

2. Hate if you want, Beyonce’s Ave Maria performance was amazing, but why was she was dressed like a cupcake?

3. Keith Sweat! Why did I get roughly 64 text messages AT ONCE when by boy hit the stage?

4. And when will he get a Lifetime Achievement Award? Don’t let me have to send an e-mail to BET.

5. Although Keith killed his performance, his old school brethren were rough. Bobby sounded OK but New Edition…ugh. Why did Aaron Hall sound like he just gargled with razor blades?

6. Why was Kanye West at the awards with his bald girlfriend? I thought she dumbed him for Cassidy. That’s what the Internet told me, and the Internet is never wrong.

7. How long will it take for Drake to get tired of Lil Wayne and friends? He looks so out of place among that goon squad.

8. Why did poor Keyshia Cole let Monica totally outshine her during their duet? Monica sounds ready for a comeback.

9. Why did Jeremy Piven think he could take a shot at Justin Timberlake, saying that “if not for Michael, Justin would be selling curly fries?” Stop hating. He was rightfully booed for that.

10. Who else really wants to see that Wanda and Sheneneh movie Skank Robbers? Somebody make that happen!

11. Doesn’t BET CEO Debra Lee look like a really mean middle school principal? I bet she was dying to tell Soulja Boy to pull his pants up.

12. And speaking of that thing, Soulja Boy apparently had a question of his own during his performance: “I got a question, why dey hate on me?” I can answer that one – because you’re an embarrassment. This dude even TALKS off beat.

13. Why haven’t black people united to beat up or lock up T-Pain? His very presence pisses me off. He looks like one of those caricatures of black folks on racist products.

See?

14. Why can’t all artists be as well-spoken as Alicia Keys?

15. And didn’t Paula Patton look like Alicia’s momma?

16. How come Wyclef can get celebrities like Matt Damon and Angelina Jolie to do work in Haiti but he can’t pull Lauryn Hill out of her cardboard box long enough for a Fugees reunion?

17. When Debra Lee said that Michael Jackson was “often imitated but never duplicated,” why didn’t the camera zoom in on Ne-Yo’s big bald head? It must have been Ne-Yo’s dream night, he actually had an excuse to bite MJ’s style for once.

18. Don Cornelius – why, why why?! I think he’s still wandering around on stage. When that fool introduced one of his “favorite young singers” and they wheeled out Tevin Campbell I laughed myself into a coma.

19. During the performance of the O’Jays (who were drunk as skunks, by the way), why did the camera pan on Joe Jackson and Al Sharpton during “For the Love of Money?” Hmmm.

20. Who was the poor soul that had to clean up all those feathers after Maxwell’s performance?

Bonus!

21. Didn’t your heart break when Janet Jackson addressed the audience? Poor Michael, he will be missed.