20 Questions: 2011 BET Awards
A couple of weeks ago, I had a conversation with a kid in my church youth group about the BET Awards:
Kid: “I can’t wait till June 26!”
Me: “Why, are you up for parole?”
Kid: “No, it’s the BET Awards!”
Me: “Ugh, don’t remind me…”
Kid: “You don’t like them? I love them. Except when they do those dumb tributes.”
Me: “What? That’s the best part of the show.”
Kid: “Not really. I mean, who still cares about Gerald Levert?”
The boy is recovering well from his surgery to have my Stacy Adams removed from his rectum.
For those of you wisely watched the premier of True Blood instead of BET, here’s what you missed:
1. How sad is it that MC Lyte, a hip hop pioneer, will be known by this generation of fans as “the BET intercom lady?”
2. I’m not a huge Kevin Hart fan, but his opening monologue was great. And he asked Diddy the question the world has been asking – where IS Craig Mack?
3. Rick Ross wishes every day he could be Biggie Smalls. He even wore his Notorious B.I.G. Versace tribute outfit. But why did he have to have his man boobs flapping in the breeze? Conceal your man-maries, playa.
4. Who can tell the difference between Ace Hood and Lil Wayne? I think the Predator was sleeping around in the 80s.
5. So BET made up an award, proclaimed “a tie,” and sent Jaden and Willow Smith home with statues? Makes you wonder how Will and Jada shelled out for that.
6. Icki Nicki Garbaj is the fakest, most insincere woman alive. Did she really believe that winning an award with no viable contenders was a surprise? There was no way the “Knuck If You Buck” chick or Master P’s demon seed was winning the Female Hip Hop Award.
7. Wonder how far BET’s ratings plummeted when nearly everyone switched to True Blood after the first hour?
8. Wasn’t it a shame that our Progressive Soul artist Mali Music only got 30 seconds of screentime? That’s what he gets for singing about Jesus. No time for that, gotta make room for booty shakin!
9. Why didn’t y’all tell me Busta Rhymes was with child? He looked like he’s in his third trimester.
10. Wanna learn more about my Cousin Chris Brown? Listen to the man himself: “Public speaking ain’t my strong suit…” Public beatings, on the other hand…
11. Thank you Alicia Keys and Bruno Mars’ hairpiece for the night’s first decent performance. Was I the only one expecting that thing to jump off his head and sing “Grenade?”
12. Big Sean gets to perform and Keith Sweat was nowhere to be found. There is no justice. Big Sean needs to step his game up – why did he hit the stage out of breath? I blame the sagging skinny jeans.
13. Didn’t you feel bad as Johnny Gill stumbled and fumbled on stage? Even Richard T. Jones was embarrassed.
14. Speaking of back in the day, didn’t Cherelle and that Keith Sweat clone Alexander O’Neal make the old school look, well, old and uneducated? I had no desire to listen to Alex scream “Saturday Love” through his three remaining teeth.
15. Who enjoyed Trey Songz’s horrid performance? If he was as concerned with singing as he was stripping, maybe his set would have been better.
16. Kelly Rowland’s performance was a bit better. Aren’t you glad she borrowed Darkwing Duck’s outfit for the occasion?
17. I love Patti LaBelle, and Marsha Ambrosius’ tribute stole the show hands down. Pastor Shirley “the Good Witch” Ceaser was pretty good too, but I hope she gives me more than 50 cents the next time I lose a tooth. But Cee-Lo? The man was dressed like an eyelash brush.
18. What in the world happened with the Viewers’ Choice Award? The poor guest presenter said on her Twitter account that the iPad thingy she was reading said Chris Brown was the winner, the teleprompter said Rihanna, but Drake came out and took the award. BET should feel bad for embarrasing that girl – but she should already be embarrassed for claiming to be Nicki Minaj’s biggest fan on national TV.
19. Did y’all notice Lil Wayne getting higher and higher as the show went on? One more performance and they would have had to wheel him offstage in a wagon. On another note, DJ Khaled seemed to enjoy crashing every other performance. It gave him a chance to show off his vast array of Walmart windbreakers.
20. Beyonce proved to be the smartest person of the night. She had enough sense to not even show up, instead performing remotely from England. But how much you wanna bet that most people were more concerned with the so-called “Illuminati pyramid” on her set?
1. How sad is it that MC Lyte, a hip hop pioneer, will be known by this generation of fans as “the BET intercom lady?”
2. I’m not a huge Kevin Hart fan, but his opening monologue was great. And he asked Diddy the question the world has been asking – where IS Craig Mack?
3. Rick Ross wishes every day he could be Biggie Smalls. He even wore his Notorious B.I.G. Versace tribute outfit. But why did he have to have his man boobs flapping in the breeze? Conceal your man-maries, playa.
4. Who can tell the difference between Ace Hood and Lil Wayne? I think the Predator was sleeping around in the 80s.
5. So BET made up an award, proclaimed “a tie,” and sent Jaden and Willow Smith home with statues? Makes you wonder how Will and Jada shelled out for that.
6. Icki Nicki Garbaj is the fakest, most insincere woman alive. Did she really believe that winning an award with no viable contenders was a surprise? There was no way the “Knuck If You Buck” chick or Master P’s demon seed was winning the Female Hip Hop Award.
7. Wonder how far BET’s ratings plummeted when nearly everyone switched to True Blood after the first hour?
8. Wasn’t it a shame that our Progressive Soul artist Mali Music only got 30 seconds of screentime? That’s what he gets for singing about Jesus. No time for that, gotta make room for booty shakin!
9. Why didn’t y’all tell me Busta Rhymes was with child? He looked like he’s in his third trimester.
10. Wanna learn more about my Cousin Chris Brown? Listen to the man himself: “Public speaking ain’t my strong suit…” Public beatings, on the other hand…
11. Thank you Alicia Keys and Bruno Mars’ hairpiece for the night’s first decent performance. Was I the only one expecting that thing to jump off his head and sing “Grenade?”
12. Big Sean gets to perform and Keith Sweat was nowhere to be found. There is no justice. Big Sean needs to step his game up – why did he hit the stage out of breath? I blame the sagging skinny jeans.
13. Didn’t you feel bad as Johnny Gill stumbled and fumbled on stage? Even Richard T. Jones was embarrassed.
14. Speaking of back in the day, didn’t Cherelle and that Keith Sweat clone Alexander O’Neal make the old school look, well, old and uneducated? I had no desire to listen to Alex scream “Saturday Love” through his three remaining teeth.
15. Who enjoyed Trey Songz’s horrid performance? If he was as concerned with singing as he was stripping, maybe his set would have been better.
16. Kelly Rowland’s performance was a bit better. Aren’t you glad she borrowed Darkwing Duck’s outfit for the occasion?
17. I love Patti LaBelle, and Marsha Ambrosius’ tribute stole the show hands down. Pastor Shirley “the Good Witch” Ceaser was pretty good too, but I hope she gives me more than 50 cents the next time I lose a tooth. But Cee-Lo? The man was dressed like an eyelash brush.
18. What in the world happened with the Viewers’ Choice Award? The poor guest presenter said on her Twitter account that the iPad thingy she was reading said Chris Brown was the winner, the teleprompter said Rihanna, but Drake came out and took the award. BET should feel bad for embarrasing that girl – but she should already be embarrassed for claiming to be Nicki Minaj’s biggest fan on national TV.
19. Did y’all notice Lil Wayne getting higher and higher as the show went on? One more performance and they would have had to wheel him offstage in a wagon. On another note, DJ Khaled seemed to enjoy crashing every other performance. It gave him a chance to show off his vast array of Walmart windbreakers.
20. Beyonce proved to be the smartest person of the night. She had enough sense to not even show up, instead performing remotely from England. But how much you wanna bet that most people were more concerned with the so-called “Illuminati pyramid” on her set?
See you next year, and hopefully not a moment sooner.
Hilarious, but SO true. We couldn’t have made it through this torture without twitter. Thank goodness for twitter!
You have to laugh to keep from crying.
If I had premium cable I would have watched True Blood. Good thing I stayed on Twitter and was working while watching the foolishness that was the BET Awards. Khaled and those WM windbreakers was hilarious!
HA!! BET AWARDS This Years Was A True Come-Up To ME From The Others! Kevin Hart Did A Good JOb!.