20 Questions: 2011 Grammy Awards

For the first time in a very long time, I was actually excited to check out this year’s installment of the Grammys. The reason?  A performance from my girl Janelle Monae – she never disappoints and I couldn’t wait for her to shine on the big stage. Unfortunately, I had to endure THREE AND A HALF hours of boredom as well.


So while you were watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta (and for that, you should be ashamed), here’s what you missed.


1.  Nice to see LL Cool J for the first time in awhile. Too bad he was wearing his little brother’s suit. And why were his lips so dark? Maybe he stopped licking them so much.


2. Will you guys finally forgive Christina Aguilera for her Super Bowl boo-boo after a great performance of “Ain’t No Way?” Never mind the fact that she fell down afterward…


3. And speaking of the Aretha Franklin tribute, didn’t Yolanda Adams nearly shatter your TV screen with her vocals? Guess it’s easy to do that when you have a mouth the size of Ms. Pac Man’s.


4. Can we stop calling Lady Gaga a fashionista? She came out of an eggshell wearing a fried egg hat. I don’t consider that high fashion.


5. At Georgia Mae Headquarters:


Wifey: I wonder if Lenny Kravitz still stinks?


Me: Huh?


Wifey: Every reporter I know says he stinks.


Me: Looks like he stapled cat skins to his vest – that’s probably the culprit.



6. After Muse’s angry performance, is England planning to get their Cairo on and revolt?


7. Finally, Janelle hit the stage – and initially I was one angry black man. Was she just gonna sing backup for
b.o.b and Bruno “nose candy” Mars?


8. Thankfully, Janelle had her moment in the spotlight and delivered the performance of the night! Simply amazing. But does she own any clothes besides Steve Urkel’s old slacks and a tuxedo shirt?


9. On the subject of attire, why was b.o.b. wearing a monocle, like he went shopping with Mr. Peanut and Scrooge McDuck?


10. I really don’t understand the Justin Bieber hate. Sure, the guy has a horrible haircut but he can sing. And how can you possibly hate a man who has an army of Mortal Kombat ninjas at his beck and call?


11. His mentor Usher, however, needs to a) get a haircut, b) stop smoking or whatever he’s doing to destroy his voice and c) find the nearest cliff and leap off. Who thought it was a good idea to steal Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation while wearing Star Trek uniforms?


12. Lady Gaga had a built in booty on her costume. Awww, just like Nicki Minaj.


13. Conversation at Georgia Mae headquarters:


Wifey: Bob Dylan is still alive?


Me: Ugh, doesn’t sound like it…


14. Was my boy Cee-Lo Green really dressed like the NBC peacock – on CBS? I must say, I was skeptical, but Ms. Paltrow impressed me during the set.


15. How much you wanna bet John Mayer was scheming to hook up with Norah Jones?


16. Were you one of the dozens of people who tweeted “who is that?” when Esperanza won Best New Artist? If so, google before you tweet – the woman deserved it.


17. I heard Rihanna had the flu – why didn’t she stay home and recover? Trust me, no one would have complained if she took a sick day.


18.  Did Guru really get snubbed during the posthumous shout-outs? The Grammys should be ASHAMED.


19. So, has Nicki Minaj gone from copying Lil Kim to imitating Lady Gaga’s hideous outfits? That woman steals from everyone. And y’all wonder why I dislike her.


20. Why do these shows ruin the suspense by having the artists perform right before announcing them as winners? Of course The Arcade Fire won album of the year after their set – Eminem and the others had no chance.


Well, I’m gonna go crawl in my egg, Gaga-style. See you next year.