Love Letters: Women With Bigger Bank Books

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Here’s today’s question:

Is it OK to make more money than your man?

SE

Here’s another question that friends often ask me to weigh in on because I can speak from personal experience.

In the summer of 2009, the wifey had a fantastic opportunity to move back to her hometown and teach at her alma mater. She was on the fence because she’s have to leave behind her one true love (besides me, of course) — writing. I encouraged her to take the job and we moved from Louisville, Ky., to Birmingham, Al.

There was just one problem – I had to give up my journalism career to follow her dream. Even though my career was going very well at the time, I let it go good of The Team. Our Team. Everyone thought I was insane to let go of a decent job at the height of the recession, but I did it anyway. Overall, I thought the move would work out for the best in the long run.

So for the first time in our marriage, the wifey was the breadwinner. And honestly, that didn’t sit well with me. No, not because I believed that it was my birthright to have a larger check – I felt like I wasn’t contributing to The Team.

Many men, like myself, were brought up in homes where manhood is defined by taking care of the household. And by “taking care of the household,” I mean “bringing home the biggest check.” It’s pretty easy for women to demand that men get over it, but it’s not easy to dismiss ideals that have been passed through the generations. So while it might seem like men are upset about dollar amounts, the problem likely lies in the fact that they feel a bit emasculated.

A few months into our Birmingham stint, I was able to get focused and thanks to help from friends, networking and good, ol’ fashioned determination I was able to land a job. Young’ns call that grindin’.

After 2 1/2 years at my job, including a promotion, guess what? I STILL make less than the wifey. And I could care less. Remember my early unemployment woes – it had nothing to do with the size (or lack thereof) of my check, it was because I wasn’t contributing. There’s a fine difference. But now I know I’m holding up my end – I’m contributing to The Team.

Obviously, I see absolutely no problem with a woman who makes more money than her man (as long as she isn’t endlessly bragging about it). It could be a tough pill for some men to swallow, especially down in the South for some reason, but they must realize that a relationship is teamwork. There are no embroidered ‘his checks’ and ‘her checks’ – they are ‘your checks.’ If a couple keeps that in mind, it will only make The Team stronger.