Love Letters: Think Like A Man

A few years ago, Steve Harvey, the man of 1,000 colorful suits and half as many divorces, released a book entitled “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.” The book advises women on how men think, giving them an edge in the mental game of chess that is the dating world.

OK, then.

Based on the popularity of that book, look what’s gracing theaters later this month:

Starring Ne-Yo! Cousin Chris Brown! Wendy Williams! That annoying boy from 106 & Park! Meagan Good! Keri Hilson!

Add Skee-Lo to the cast and you’ll need a wheelbarrow for all the Oscar nominations.

But here’s my question – if “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” can get a movie deal, why can’t our Love Letters? Denzel can play me, put a curly wig on Angela Bassett so she can play the wifey, and Keith Sweat can play himself – I smell an Academy Award!

A brother can always dream. In the meantime,  I’ll stick with your questions.

Send your inquiries to edward@soulinstereo.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.   

Why are men so scared to tell us how they feel? Instead they play emotional head games.

SE

If you read Steve Harvey’s book, you can learn our head games and play them against us!

But for those of you who have common sense, hear me out.

Georgia Mae readers know that I have no problem expressing the love for my wife, both publicly and privately. Surprisingly I didn’t learn that trait from one of the biggest role models in my life, my father.

My dad is the definitive blue-collar dude. He can rebuild a Mustang transmission using old action figures and chewing gum, he literally built our home with his own two hands and if you need it he’ll give you the shirt off his back. Ask my brother – dude was wearing my dad’s old coat last winter.

But growing up I hardly ever heard my dad utter the words “I love you.” Certainly not often.

Oh now before y’all start offering me hugs and hop on the phone with social services, chill out. Save those sad R&B montages for the Steve Harvey movie. My household was filled with love – it just wasn’t stated.

I once had a conversation with my dad during my teen years about his lack of outward emotion. He said, “I show you I love you by keeping the lights on and keeping food in the refrigerator.” That phrase always stuck with me.

My father, along with many, many other men, are taught to show love for their families by being providers. I’m not talking about bling and Bentleys, I’m talking about a safe, secure home environment. That mushy lovey-dovey stuff? That’s reserved for women. Men give handshakes and pats on the back. Maybe a head nod, but that’s it.

Generations of men have been raised this way, and that’s why many men today refuse to wear their hearts on their sleeves. Sometimes those “emotional head games” you ladies struggle with aren’t games at all – men keep things inside because that’s what we’ve been taught. Men aren’t always “afraid” to tell you how they feel. Many times, they simply don’t know how. It’s not an excuse, it’s fact.

I guess that begs the question: “Edwardo, if your dad didn’t teach you how to share your feelings, who did?” I guess I’m a self-taught playa.

Look, I love and respect my dad (and my grandad too) but I recognized pretty soon that bottling up feelings can cause problems. If I have a problem with the wifey, I’ll tell her straight-up instead of suppressing it until it explodes in rage. And, of course, I’m quick to show her affection. Don’t we all want to know that we’re loved? Why imply that you love someone when you can say it from your own two lips?

Ladies, it will be pretty difficult to get some guys to move away from generations of tight-lipped traditions. The best way to open him up is to tell him yourself how much he’s loved. And encourage him not be ashamed to return the favor.

In recent years, my dad is a lot more liberal with the L word than when I was growing up. I think that’s because my family showed him that showing affection doesn’t make him less of a man.

We didn’t learn that stuff from a book or movie, just life experiences and a loving family.