Love Letters: Communicating on Facebook and Signs Your Mate Is Cheating

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We’ve got a treat for you today. I’m breaking you off with not one, but TWO Love Letters questions. Aren’t you lucky? Not only are the questions sorta related, this will help clear out my bulging inbox.

But if you’d like to refill my inbox with your love queries, here’s how.

Send your inquiries to edward@soulinstereo.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.   

Here’s today’s first question:

If you are trying to start a relationship with someone and you asked for their number and they replied, “No, I’d rather talk to you on Facebook than on the phone,” would you find that strange?

DS

Times are a-changin’. Back in my day, if I asked for a girls’ cell number and she gave me her parents’ house number or borrowed a line from a Hollywood agent and said “don’t call me, I’ll call you” I’d assume either she’s not interested or she’s trying to keep me a secret from her man. But the world of social media has changed the dating game. Things aren’t always as sinister as they seem.

As y’all know from personal experience, or just keeping up with this column, there are a ton of weirdos out there. Social sites like Facebook, when used effectively, can actually be used to protect yourself.

Instead of giving some stranger your phone number and risk 500 calls a day from a nutcase, you can easily ask someone to find you on Facebook and have them send you a message. It’s much easier to delete Facebook messages and “un-friend” someone if things get weird than it is to change your phone number and go into witness protection. If I was still dating I’d probably use Facebook or Twitter to weed out the weirdos.

Of course, that new friend of yours COULD be a cheater and MAY be using Facebook to live a double life. If the relationship has been going on for more than a month and Facebook is only used to schedule your late-night hookups, yeah, that’s a problem. Really, the same rules apply if your mate only accepts calls between 2 a.m. or 5 a.m. or only communicates via text. Facebook itself isn’t evil – just open your eyes and see the massive red flags waiving in your face.

And speaking of that, question No. 2:

What are the top 10 signs that your significant other is cheating?

CJ

Y’all are mighty preoccupied with cheating today. Did someone get a call from Mr. Biggs over the weekend?

You know I love y’all but I’m not gonna rattle off 10 trivial things so paranoid people can spy on their spouses. First, I’m too lazy (what are you gonna do, dock my pay?). Second, it’s not fair to make a blanket statement like “If your man gets a call at 4 a.m., he’s cheating.” What if it’s a wrong number? What if there is an emergency? Every case is different.

As I mentioned in question No. 1, instead of snooping around for loose hairs and unknown texts, it’s more important to pay attention to behavioral changes. Let’s be real – 90% of the time, when a someone finds out their mate is cheating, it isn’t a big surprise. There were many clues staring them in the face, and they had nothing to do with unclaimed draws on the bedroom floor. There is often a breakdown in communication, a drastic drop in quality time, a lack of affection – things that are often apparent way before you catch a stranger in your house. These actions might not be a sign that your mate is cheating, but it’s definitely a sign that the relationship is failing. That should be your focus and you should work hard to communicate your concerns and repair what’s broken.

Instead of trying to catch your no-good partner in the act so you can wild out like they do on Cheaters, take steps to safeguard your relationship before you have to call Joey Greco.