Love Letters: Why Is He Not Ready for a Relationship?

This week I suffered from my first ever bout of food poisoning. A batch of fried chicken I picked up from the grocery store had me crawling on the floor like that Maxwell video. I swear it felt like my soul – among other things – was on fire.

Still, that chicken was so good that I hesitated to throw away the leftovers. I kept telling myself “maybe it was something else. I’ve had this chicken before and it never bothered me.” Some friends said the same thing, saying it must have been something else I ate. It COULDN’T have been the delicious chicken.

Well, I threw the remaining chicken away this morning. Rick Rawsssse would be disappointed, but it was the right thing to do. No matter how good it looked, how enticing it was, and how many times people tried to deflect blame, you just gotta get rid of what’s ailing you.

Remember that the next time you’re conflicted over your no-good lover.

Send your inquiries to edward@soulinstereo.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.   

Here’s today’s question:

When a man says that he is not ready for a relationship does it really mean he isn’t ready or is he holding out for someone else or does he not like you like that and he’s trying to spare your feelings?

CM

This week, while home recovering from the foul fowl I mentioned earlier, I caught an episode of Maury. 

By the way, I don’t wanna hear ANY complaints about me watching Maury when most of y’all are eyeballs-deep in Basketball Wives and Love & Hip Hop every week. There’s trash TV, and then there is the festering STD-laden landfill that is VH1 reality TV.

Anyway, Maury featured a guest who was a self-proclaimed “detective.” She went through all these bizarre and drawn-out methods to find out what was going on in the mind of her man. Ladies, oftentimes you make things much too difficult. The answer is usually right in your face.

Whether the man says he’s not ready for a relationship because he truly isn’t ready OR if he’s really holding out for someone else OR if he’s trying to spare your feelings is irrelevant. The key words are: He’s not ready for a relationship. That’s the only real answer you need. Why waste time poking around (literally) with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?

Are you owed a truthful explanation? Yeah. Is he required to give it to you? Not really, especially if there was never a relationship in the first place. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe the real reason is a serious or sensitive issue that he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing. And if you two aren’t dating, you aren’t privy to that info. Now, if a husband suddenly walked out on his wife after 40 years of marriage, he better give that woman a good reason. But if the relationship hasn’t even begun the rules are a bit different.

Again, it’s all a moot point. If a guy doesn’t want to be with you, it’s his loss, no matter the reason. Look ahead, not backward.

And because I’m in such a magnanimous mood, y’all get a second question today. Hmmm, when my new album drops, I should name it Magnanimous.

What does it say about a man’s character if you have been dating him off and on and you find out on Facebook he has other child that he never told you about?

LC

Um, it says his character sucks?

They should ask questions like this during the next Miss America pageant.

Yeah right, you wish. Notorious K.I.N.G.!? More like Dairy Queen.

Anyway, back to the question – this is why the social media explosion is so hilarious to me. Wannabe macks will play their pimp role in the real world and get exposed on Facebook. Not sure if that guy who asked for your number is really single? Just wait till his baby momma starts running her mouth on his Facebook wall. Facebook doesn’t lie, even if he does.

I’ve said before that I am strongly against Facebook stalking. But there’s nothing wrong with being observant. You don’t have to hack into a guy’s Facebook account or use your friends as a Sexy Decoy (another Maury reference) to see if he’s faithful. Just look on the man’s wall. If he’s dumb enough to post pics  of his baby while claiming he’s childless, he’s one step below Wile E Coyote. Please move on.