Love Letters: How To Reply To Prying Friends

We hope everyone enjoyed their July 4 holiday. If you’re still looking for fireworks between you and that special someone, hit me up.


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Here’s today’s question:

I am a very blessed, single female in my early 30s. Over the past month, I have had two married, friends say some ignorant and mean things regarding my love life. When invited to see a show, a friend instructed me to “bring a man with me.” The other friend mentioned that her husband told her that I needed to “get pregnant” or “something” because my eggs would be dried up soon. I don’t have any concerns about getting married or having children. I love me and I love my life. I am a firm believer that God has a plan and His will will happen in due time. I just can’t help feel offended that my “friends” would actually say such things as if my company or my singleness bothers them. What are some creative but polite ways to tell them to worry about their own lives and less about mine? Are married people truly threatened by single people?

Bridled Tongue

Oh man, if there was ever a question the wifey and I can relate to, this is it.


When people realize that I’ve been married for six years without children, their reactions range from legitimately shocked to aghast and appalled. The wifey gets brow-beaten much worse than I do – the worst instance being a lady who told her that a woman’s sole purpose in marriage is to be a baby factory and that Jai wasn’t fulfilling her role.


How do you think THAT went over with our resident card-carrying super feminist?


It’s pretty annoying when society tries to dictate our life path. If you’re not in a serious relationship by your 30s, the world says you’re either a player or a lonely, cat-herding spinster – depending on your gender. Also, if you don’t have any kids, your womb must be barren or your man is shooting blanks. The thought that a person is happy being single or kid-free is rarely considered.


Still, I wouldn’t say that married people are “threatened” by single people. In my experience, those annoying dating questions are either the result of idle banter (the equivalent of “Man, this weather SHO is craaaazy, huh?”) or nosy people trying to pry into your dating life (“feel free to bring a man to my party – you ARE dating someone, aren’t you?”). The intent isn’t usually malicious. I guarantee you that the majority of those people don’t realize they’re being offensive. They’re just being rude.


So, how should you respond to folks who run their mouths without thinking? Y’all know me, I have no problem shutting down foolishness. For example, when I get the “when are you having kids” question, I’m likely to say:


“I’m pretty sure a man can’t give birth.”


“I work with two dozen kids at my church. That’s enough. Plus I can give them back to their parents when they get on my nerves.”


“I’ll get to work on that once your child support checks start rolling in.”


“As bad as your kids are, I’d think you’d want to keep the world’s child population low.”


I don’t suggest you say anything that harsh – only I can get away with talking that reckless without getting slapped. Plus, if you get too snippy you might come off as bitter. But I do think you should stand your ground and be honest. Make clear that you’re perfectly happy living the single life and that you’re wisely waiting for the right guy. And it won’t hurt if you throw the ball back in their court:


“Dating? No, I’m pretty happy right now doing my own thing. I’m just patiently waiting for the right guy to come along, just like you did with your husband.”


If that doesn’t work, keep a giant boombox on your shoulder like Radio Raheem and blast this song whenever someone gets out of line.






Of course, don’t feel obligated to give anyone an explanation for your dating life. Live the life you want to live, not the life your friends want you to live.