Love Letters: Why Society Says You Need to Marry
Today we take on those pesky gender roles. Our lives would be so much easier if we didn’t have to stress over what outsiders think about our relationships.
But if you’d like to know what THIS outsider thinks about your relationship, hit me up! Hypocrisy can be fun!
Send your inquiries to edward@soulinstereo.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.
Here’s today’s question:
Why does society say that a woman has to be married off and have a family at a certain age but it’s OK for a man to be a bachelor for the rest of his life?
DW
My wife and I attend separate churches. Society says my wife should leave her church and attend mine because the woman follows the man. Society is wrong. Extenuating circumstances led us to separate churches and it’s not fair to pull her away from those roots because I IZ DA MAN.
The wife’s father loves to cook and watch soap operas. Her mother loves horror movies and action flicks. Society says those roles are mixed up. Society is wrong – they’re a loving couple and their marriage has endured more than 30 years. Oh, and if society questions my father-in-law’s manhood he’ll smash you in the face with his barbecue grill spatula.
The wifey’s paycheck is slightly bigger than mine. Society says I’m not fulfilling my goal of being the alpha male breadwinner. Society is wrong. Why does it matter? What’s mine in hers and what’s her is mine. All our money is going to the same (pitifully empty) bank account anyway, why does it matter who has the largest share?
As the writer points out, society says that a woman isn’t fulfilled unless she’s married and popping out babies. Meanwhile, a man can live the single life without consequence because he isn’t that active in child care anyway. Society, of course, is wrong, and it goes back to the gender roles I alluded to above: women are caretakers and followers; men are breadwinners and leaders. And actually, there’s nothing wrong with that if it fits within the parameters of your relationship. My grandparents have been married 66 years – more than twice as long as I’ve been on this earth – and those roles have served them just fine.
The problem occurs when we try to shoehorn every relationship into the one role laid out by society. Sometimes that shoe just doesn’t fit. Every relationship is different – just like every person is different. I know two different guys who would love nothing more than to be stay at home dads with four or five kids running around. Does that mean they’re lazy deadbeats who don’t want to work or wimps who want to dance around the house in frilly aprons? Not at all. They love fatherhood and they’re great at it. They are examples that men can be great caretakers too.
Like I said last week, live the life you want, not the life society dictates.
Now it’s time for the Love Letters Bonus Stage!
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Why can’t men handle it when we treat them like a smash buddy? They treat us like that all the time when we have a relationship like that with them.
DC
Wait, what?
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*HEAVY SIGH*
For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of being a smash buddy, it’s essentially a person who is (often unknowningly) used just for hookups. It’s like having a friend with benefits, but that friend isn’t in on joke.
For once, let me ask a question – why do ladies get annoyed when they’re treated liked sex toys?
Hush up – I’ll answer for you. Women don’t like having their emotions toyed with.
Society says (…here we go again…) men are perfectly fine living as bachelors, sowing their wild Quaker Oats in random cereal bowls. Guess what? Society is wrong – some guys, gasp, WANT real relationships and don’t appreciate being toyed with.
You mean brothers have feeling too, just like women? You don’t say!
Everyone would be better off being honest and clarifying the relationship immediately. If it’s a serious relationship, treat it as such. If y’all wanna be friends with benefits, eh, whatever, do your thing – just be sure you’re on the same page. Save the smash buddy stuff for the cretins on Love & Hip Hop. It would also help me save on headache medicine.
I’ve been meaning to comment on your separate churches – THANK YOU for being a good example of making this work. My husband and I attend separate churches, too, and though it is often hard, I think it is the right decision for us. Society does, in fact, suck.