Love Letters: How Do You Choose Between Two Prospective Partners?

Earlier this week, rapper Joe Budden, who is known for posting pictures of his women on Instragram, snapped a mostly-naked pic of his current girlfriend.

Budden is 32. The girlfriend is 21.

What could a 32-year-old possibly have in common with a 21-year-old, other than, you know, lust? They’re in two totally different stages of their lives. No wonder all his relationships crumble. In fact, I’m sure Budden will be writing one of his patented sad-man raps about this experience in a few weeks.

Ugh, I can’t believe I’ve resorted to analyzing rapper relationships. I’d rather analyze yours. Hit me up.

Send your inquiries to edward@soulinstereo.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.

Here’s today’s question: 

How do you choose between two potential boos when they meet your needs in different ways?

DW

I’ve had quite a few friends – both male and female – who have wrestled with this issue. I’ll use one of them as our case study.

My friend dated two guys who were on the opposite ends of the character spectrum.

Guy No. 1 was a street-smart, wannabe thug whose homeboy hoped to make it big as a rapper. So of course, Guy No. 1 wanted to ride his coattails to stardom. Still, he was an extremely caring and affectionate guy.

Guy No. 2 was a soft-spoken dude, which my friend loved because it allowed her to throw around her dominating personality. He had big business aspirations but ego and attitude problems made him tough to deal with at times.

Yeah, two VERY different guys.

My friend was upfront with both guys and told them that there was another person in the picture. She dated both casually for years before finally committing to Guy No. 2. They married not too long ago.

My friend learned from the mistake our reader is probably making: She lived in a weird limbo between Guy No. 1 and Guy No. 2, enjoying the individual best traits of both. It’s the old “having your cake and eating it too” deal. Eventually, your partners will get annoyed – and rightfully so.

You have to realize that there is no perfect relationship. No matter whom you decide to date, there will be things you don’t like. You can’t take the best qualities from two or three people to build some sort of relationship Frankenstein. That’s unfair to your partners and, honestly, very selfish of the dater.

Examine your priorities and figure out what you really want from a relationship. Do you want a thug with a heart of gold? A nerdy businessman who’s going places? Hey, nobody’s perfect (including you). Sometimes you have to look past petty faults and accept them for who they are (as long as those faults don’t reach the level of my Cousin Chris Brown’s). If neither person is filling your needs adequately, dump both of them. There’s someone out there who can.

The choice is yours. But you do have to make a choice.