Love Letters: Is Online Dating A Bad Idea?

Every woman I know is lining up to see “Addicted,” some movie based off one of those ghetto romance books they sell in the bargain bins at Walmart, next to the giant pile of Goobers and Dots candy.

These ladies, including my own beloved wifey, are frontin’ like they’re going to support good black cinema. Nah, they’re going to go drool over William Levy, AKA the M&M “iz it made uf chokolat tuuuu?” man.

Y’all are so transparent.

While you oogle some guy who can’t pronounce half your names correctly, I’ll answer your burning love questions. Here’s how you can hit a brother up:

Send your inquiries to soulinstereoblog@gmail.com, or find me on Twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question:

I’ve been attempting online dating lately and it’s not fun anymore. Guys are either weird (sending half-naked pics and constantly talking about sex) or just disappointing. I planned a date with one guy, who asked to reschedule out of the blue. I obliged, but then he texts back and says “I’m seeing someone.” I’m not heartbroken, I just think these may be signs to give up on online dating. Am I right or looking way too much into this?

Computer Lover

I’ve said many times here before that I support online dating. Mind you, I’ve never done it myself. I’m old – online dating didn’t exist back then. In fact, when I was dating, cell phones looked like this:

Image via

And computer games looked like this:

Our music was better than yours though:

Anyway, when it comes down to it, online dating is no different than meeting someone in a bar. You’re going on face value until you make a real connection. That’s just part of the game. The difference is, online dating allows you to have many options as once, which, theoretically should speed up your chances to find Mr. Right.

Yeah, things don’t work that well, playa – as you’ve experienced with the parade of losers you’ve encountered.

Just like real life, it takes time to find someone you can really connect with. A computer isn’t gonna speed that process up. Don’t measure your worth by how many dates you have lined up. Just take your time until you find a decent dude. It can take awhile. And it will be worth it.

Unless you’re really uncomfortable, I don’t see why you shouldn’t keep at online dating. Just make sure you take time to bring those budding relationships from behind the keyboard.

Watch out for the Catfish, don’t send nude pics and you’ll be good.

You’d think that would go without saying but you never know.

Who’s next?

Here’s my burning question. Well idk how to ask it but I’ll break it down for you:  Recently my best friend broke up with her bum of an ex-boyfriend and a few weeks later, she jumped into a relationship with a guy I thought would be good for her. So I guess you can say, I played Cupid – which I sorta regret. She’s already talking about marrying the dude. I feel like my best friend is slipping away to a guy she barely even knows. I guess my question is “What do I do when I stuck in the “Being too good of a friend role?”

Sincerely a beginning blogger,

Creative Old Kidd

Well, we have two separate things going on here. First, good for you for helping your girl get over her trash ex. That’s what friends do. And since you’re a concerned friend, it’s no surprise that you’re a bit conflicted about her preparing to jump the broom with a guy who probably doesn’t know her middle name yet. Sounds like the ol’ rebound syndrome to me – you’d be wise to tell her to slow down and examine the relationship before things get too deep. There’s no need to rush.

And of course, there’s the other 500 pound Rick Rawse in the room – it seems like you’re feeling a bit left out of the equation. It’s natural. It’s hard – and a bit annoying – to see the person who spend nights crying on your shoulder suddenly run off with a new fling and leave you in the cold.

But it is her life. You play a part but you’re not the ONLY part.

Maybe this is the guy for her, maybe it isn’t. Either way, you were her friend first. Even with ol’ dude running around, continue to be her friend – even if that means backing away and giving her some space while she explores her new relationship. And if you think she’s rushing into things, don’t be shy to tell her. Don’t be too heavy-handed in your criticism, though, you don’t wanna come off like a hater.

Friends should always be there for each other, but be sure give her space to live her life.